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Future News: Cristiano Ronaldo to play for Manchester United in his mind

 (Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty Images)
 (Photo by Denis Doyle/Getty Images)

Cristiano Ronaldo has agreed to a deal that will allow him to mentally return to Manchester United while he continues to physically play for Real Madrid. Man United will pay the Spanish giants a £200 million fee in the first of its kind agreement, breaking the British transfer record they set during the summer window with the £60 million signing of Angel Di Maria, also from Real Madrid.

Ronaldo has repeatedly spoken of his desire to return to Man United since leaving the club for Spain in 2009, fueling rumors that have intensified in recent weeks. And now the two-time World Player of the Year says he has found the ideal arrangement: continuing to play for Real Madrid as he is now, but also pretending to play for Manchester United in his mind.

"This is literally a dream situation for me," Ronaldo told reporters at a press conference held inside his head as he slept on a bed shaped like his own bicep. "For so long I have wanted to return to Manchester United without actually returning to Manchester United. And with this deal I can finally do that. I get to imagine myself playing in front of the brilliant fans at Old Trafford once again. But I also get to continue playing Champions League football with Real Madrid in the real world. So it was an easy decision."

Both clubs will pay Ronaldo record salaries, making him the highest paid player in the physical realm and his fantasy world. But the dual commitment doesn't worry him.

"When I am playing for Real Madrid, I will focus all of my efforts on helping them win and whenever I am doing anything else — like designing my next line of underwear or making love — I will only imagine myself playing alongside Wayne Rooney and scoring goals for Manchester United," Ronaldo said.

Man United chief executive Ed Woodward has hailed the landmark deal as a testament to the club's appeal even with their recent struggles.

"Cristiano is the best player in the world," Woodward said. "And in his own mind, he's even better than that. The fact that we could pay him to imagine himself playing for us again proves just how big this club is."

This has been Future News: news from the future.

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Brooks Peck

is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!