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Dirty Tackle

Franck Ribery lists the ways he became the world’s best footballer this year

Dirty Tackle

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Franck Ribery told L'Equipe that his wife has already cleared a space for the Ballon d'Or award at their home. "Over the fireplace in the living room," he said. But she's not the only one confident in his chances of winning FIFA's top prize. “Before this year I was very good," added the Bayern Munich midfielder who has already claimed UEFA's Best Player in Europe award. "Now I am the best.”

This is Franck Ribery's list of ways he became the world's best footballer at the age of 30...

-I helped make my team better instead of using my team to make me look better and we won the treble as a result.

-I didn't hold a competition for young boys' underpants like Cristiano Ronaldo.

-My hamstrings aren't made of jelly like Lionel Messi's.

-I am not a walking curse in Champions League like Zlatan Ibrahimovic.

-Pranks on the reg.

-I'm not afraid to swap child mascots at charity matches to ensure an optimal height differential that's best for everyone.

-All of my competition for the Ballon d'Or is based in Europe and I already won the Best Player in Europe award, so if logic is real then I should win the Ballon d'Or too.

-Anatolly Tymuschuk made fun of me last year and now he's gone. #Power.

-Not only did I help Bayern win the Champions League, but I also saved Mario Mandzukic's Champions League winner's medal from certain doom. That's like winning the Champions League twice in one day. Has Messi ever done that? No.

-I have a monster glitter watch that uses diamonds to tells me what my shirt number is and when it's time to win all of the trophies.

-I am by far the most prepared to play football in a blizzard.

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-I just invented a new word: "fuhffffffffffft" (with 12 f's). It means "to stop giving Messi the Ballon d'Or every year because it's not just a goal scoring competition."

-I wrote 98 percent of all comments on YouTube this year.

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

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