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Ryan Bailey

Dutch WAGs not going to World Cup due to terror fear

Just a few weeks ago, Holland's favourite attractive female and Sylvie van der Vaart, above, proudly modeled the first official World Cup dress, a classy orange affair commissioned by an equally classy beer manufacturer. We were all looking forward to seeing the ƜberWAG and her Dutch ilk sporting the flimsy low-cut number in the chilly South African climate, but if a story published by Bild today is to be believed, the supporting ladies of the Netherlands will be sitting at home in their frumpiest jammies during this World Cup. Here's one I (poorly) translated earlier:

Sylvie van der Vaart and the beautiful Holland women will stay at home. The reason: they are worried about a terrorist attack.

A few weeks ago -- around the same time the Dutch WAGs revealed their now-obsolete dresses in fact -- a delightful young member of Al-Qaeda named Abdullah Saleh Azam al-Qahtani was detained in Iraq for planning attacks on the Danish and Dutch football teams during the 2010 World Cup. He wishes to retaliate against the two nations for the "insults" against the Prophet Mohammad they have purveyed, and he wouldn't be the first attacker: a Danish cartoonist who depicted the revered prophet was recently attacked at home by knifepoint, and in 2002 a Dutch filmmaker was shot and stabbed in the street because a movie he made criticized Islam.

"If we were not able to strike the players, then we would have to get the fans, with the use of car bombs and weapons," confessed al-Qahtani upon his arrest. Dutch players have therefore, quite reasonably, decided against putting their loved ones in the stands. "Of course we do not want to expose our women to danger," reasoned Dirk Kuyt, in a thinly veiled attempt to inform us that he has kissed at least one girl before.

The exceptionally good looking Alena Seredova, WAG of Gigi Buffon, has added to the climate of fear created by the Dutch, by asking: "Have we learned nothing from the [Togo team bus attack during the] Africa Cup of Nations?"

Image: Reuters

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