After turning down a move to Celtic last summer, playing just 78 minutes of first team football with Man City this season and having his manager suggest that he now spends his Saturdays playing golf, Wayne Bridge has joined Sunderland on loan until the end of the season. Presumably, he will actually play football there. The following is a transcript of the former England international's first meeting with new manager Martin O'Neill.
O'Neill: Wayne, welcome to Sunderland. We're glad to have you here. You got dressed up for the big unveiling I see.
Bridge: Actually, I haven't changed my clothes in about three weeks.
O'Neill: Well, we've got a new shirt for you right here if you want to change now.
Bridge: Do I have to?
O'Neill: Yes. If you're going to play for Sunderland, you have to wear the shirt.
Bridge: Play? Oh, like Call of Duty. I went to the launch of that game. I didn't have to wear a special shirt to play it, though. Pretty sure I was just wearing this.
O'Neill: No, like football. I know it's been a while for you, but you're here to play football, Wayne.
[Bridge tilts his head, mouth agape]
O'Neill: Oh come on. It hasn't been that long. West Ham, Chelsea, Southampton. You've played for a number of clubs, Wayne. Surely you remember something from all those experiences.
Bridge: I remember...not shaking John Terry's hand. I was great at that.
O'Neill: What about right after? You played a match for Manchester City.
Bridge: Nope. No recollection of that. Just the no handshake thing. I have it on DVD if you want to watch it sometime. Put it on a loop with the Armageddon soundtrack over it.
O'Neill: I'll pass. But hopefully you'll make some new memories while you're here. We've got Norwich and Stoke coming up and we'll be needing you.
Bridge: OK. Where's the XBox?
O'Neill: No. Wayne. We've not brought you here to play Call of Duty. You're here to play football.
Bridge: Alright, alright. I understand now. Don't worry, boss. Although I have absolutely no memory of how to make my bodyparts play this game, I do have recordings of every match Andrei Arshavin has played this season. I will watch them and I will learn. You have my word.
O'Neill: Fine. Whatever. Just don't go out with Nicklas Bendtner.