Dirty Tackle

DT Exclusive: Robin van Persie and Arsene Wenger’s texts to each other

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

(Getty)

Though Robin van Persie did what he could to force Arsene Wenger to sell him to Manchester United in the offseason, the Arsenal manager says the two still keep in contact. "He texts me sometimes, We keep in touch. He tells me he still watches Arsenal games,'' says Wenger. The following is a transcript of their latest texting session.

RVP: Top of the table. How's seventh place? ;)

Wenger: Stuff it, placenta face. Without you, United would be 12th. Ask Ferguson who's too dependent on you now!

RVP: Whatever. We r going to win a bunch of silverware. Good luck going 4 your invisible 4th place trophy.

Wenger: And good luck not getting hurt. The chances of you making it through the season without an injury are about as good as Cesc Fabregas starting five matches in a row for Barcelona.

RVP: Speaking of injuries I heard Theo Walcott is looking 4 houses in Manchester. And Liverpool. And Italy. LOL

Wenger: I don't care if he leaves! He grew an awful mustache and now I hate his face.

RVP: Suuuure. :)

Wenger: Stop with the emoticons. They make you look like a turd a.k.a. Andrei Arshavin.

RVP: A.k.a the one player who won't leave Arsenal. Besides Gervinho.

Wenger: Why are you texting me? Don't you have to feed Rooney a raw steak before midnight or something?

RVP: Just wanted 2 say congratulations on that 0-0 draw against Aston Villa last week. Reminded me that I made the right decision.

Wenger: You can't even spell out the word "to"? I really can't wait until Paul Scholes tackles you in the neck during training.

RVP: Don't be mean, Arsene, or I won't come back on loan when I'm 50 like Thierry Henry.

Wenger: THIERRY HENRY IS A GOD AMONG MEN AND HIS NAME IS TOO GOOD FOR YOUR DELICATE THUMBS

RVP: Easy there. You'll pop your puffer coat.

Wenger: I should have never told you that I wear it to bed. Why am I even talking to you? You've been dead to me since August. P.S. If you ever give any of your clothing to Andre Santos again I will burn your house down.

RVP: OK, Arsene. I'll be sure to give the Premier League trophy a kiss for you. Bye.

Wenger: And I'll give your grandmother a kiss for you.

RVP: That's gross, Arsene.

Wenger: That's not what she said.

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