With Cesc Fabregas now gone, Arsene Wenger had to name a new Arsenal captain. He ended up settling on Robin van Persie. The following is a transcript of how he reached that decision.
Wenger: Robin, have a seat. We need a leader who can replace Cesc in every way. I think you can be that leader. But first, you must answer several questions for me.
RVP: OK. Go ahead, boss.
Wenger: First, Cesc only started 61 percent of our league matches over the last three seasons. Mostly because of injuries. Can you match that?
RVP: I think I just hurt myself sitting down.
Wenger: Good, good. Now, as captain, Cesc set a high standard of winning zero trophies. Do you think you can achieve the same?
RVP: Do Man United, Man City, Chelsea and Liverpool still exist?
RVP: Then yeah, I can match that.
Wenger: With Cesc, Eboue and Denilson all gone and Nasri and Bendtner likely to follow, do you feel our chances of success have gone down?
RVP: Hahahaha Bendtner.
Wenger: If someone calls you on the telephone late at night, will you listen to them cry?
RVP: Yeah, of course.
Wenger: And finally, how do you feel about Barcelona?
RVP: They're a f***ing joke!
Wenger: Good! Good. Congratulations, Robin. You are the new captain.
RVP: Thank you, boss! This is such an honor! Now, here's my transfer request. My Feyenoord DNA demands it.