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    Dirty Tackle

    DT Exclusive: John Terry and the boomeranging captaincy

    By Brooks Peck | Dirty Tackle – Fri, Feb 3, 2012 3:50 AM EST

    John Terry and Fabio Capello discuss arm chafing. (Getty)

    It's being reported that John Terry will be stripped of the England captaincy over a charge for which he has not yet been tried for the second time in two years. The following is a transcript of Terry's latest visit with FA chairman David Bernstein and England manager Fabio Capello.

    Bernstein: John, I'll make this brief. Racism is a very serious matter and the FA simply cannot allow a man awaiting trial for racial abuse to be captain of England. Of course, we could reserve judgement until after you're found guilty, but, well, we're not. Please hand over your armband and Pizza Hut discount card.

    Terry: No! Stuffed cruuust!

    Bernstein: I'm sorry, John. But by possibly using a racial slur, you've left us no choice. Now Fabio, who will be your new captain?

    Capello: John Terry.

    Terry: Hooray!

    Gareth Barry: Excuse the interruption, but I just heard that John Terry punched my infant nephew in the kidney. This is inexcusable.

    Bernstein: Are you sure about this, Gareth?

    Barry: Kind of.

    Bernstein: In that case, John, we simply must strip you of the captaincy again. Fabio, please select a new captain.

    Capello: OK. I choose Steven Gerrard. Just kidding, I choose John Terry.

    Terry: Ca-cow!

    Scott Parker: Pardon the intrusion, gentlemen. I recently read on Wayne Rooney's Twitter that John Terry tried to swallow my grandmother whole while she was sleeping. He eats old people! John Terry eats old people! He cannot be captain of England. Also, Bill Cosby is dead.

    Bernstein: I'm sure everyone can definitely see John Terry doing that. John, you are captain no more. Fabio, pick again.

    Capello: This is a very difficult decision. So I. Must. Choose....John Terry!

    Terry: Fibbledy-flop!

    Patrice Evra: Excusez-moi. I know I don't play for England, but John Terry wrote some very, very obscene things about my non-existent sister on a messageboard for people named John Terry. You can't defend that.

    Bernstein: Good god, John! Is there no end to the vile things we can conceive of you doing? That's it. Fabio, you are obviously incapable of choosing a decent role model to lead this team on the pitch. So I will do it for you. Ashley Cole is the new captain. That's final.

    Ashley Cole: I just shot another kid with an airgun. Are gingers a race?

    Watch Full Count!
     

    13 comments

    • jar66su
      jar66su  •  Washington, District of Columbia  •  3 months ago
      this man is a disgrace
      • Isidro
        Isidro 3 months ago
        John Terry is a leader of men. Capello will give him the armband back once this thing blows over. The British press are to blame for these incidents.
        John Terry faces a maximum fine of 2 thousand bucks. No Jail. Nothing.
    • John
      John  •  Mt Prospect, Illinois  •  3 months ago
      The FA are a joke. Its a done deal now, but if you are going to strip him of the armband, then kick him of the team. They worry it will be 'weird' if John is in charge but then leave him on the team. They just fall over themselves...
      Well done Brooks...a voice of humerous reason.
    • Andy
      Andy  •  Germantown, Tennessee  •  3 months ago
      Just watching the Chelsea vs MAN URE game and hearing about that "awful" John Terry. No I may be biased as I am a Chelsea fan but wasn't Rio Ferdinand responsible for the MAN URE Christmas party where a woman was sexually abused? Didn't Ryan Giggs screw HIS OWN BROTHER"S WIFE? Wasn't Wayne Rooney cheating on his wife with a HOOKER? Why have these things been forgotten but John Terry is accused by a fan based on a YOUTUBE video and he is evil personified!
    • Robin Sparkles
      Robin Sparkles  •  3 months ago
      Im surprised Wayne Bridge didnt come out to complain on terry!
      • Brooks
        Brooks 3 months ago
        If you remember from earlier in the week, he's too busy watching Andrei Arshavin highlights and trying to remember what football is.
      • HEATallTheWAY631
        HEATallTheWAY631 3 months ago
        lol brooks, i loved that post! and i got that video of andrei arshavin laughing stuck in my head. i kept hearing him laughing. while i was trying to sleep. OH NO ITS IN MY HEAD AGAIN!!!!!! STOP LAUGHING ANDREI!!!!!!!
    • Bill
      Bill  •  3 months ago
      Fibbledy-flop indeed. This has become quite the circus. I think JT should just pick another country to play for. Maybe one that has a concept of "due process."
      • Isidro
        Isidro 3 months ago
        You can't pick another country to play for.
      • Bill
        Bill 3 months ago
        You can't teach someone to recognize obvious sarcasm, either, apparently.
    • Zach
      Zach  •  Greenwood, Indiana  •  3 months ago
      Suarez gets an 8 game ban, Terry loses his captaincy. The FA are a joke.
    • Joe
      Joe  •  Richardson, Texas  •  3 months ago
      Poor Bill Cosby
    • TimS
      TimS  •  Phoenix, Arizona  •  3 months ago
      Brilliant!
    • Erik
      Erik  •  New York, New York  •  3 months ago
      The best parts are where John Terry is racist.
      • Isidro
        Isidro 3 months ago
        I laughed out loud. Best comment.
      • Brooks
        Brooks 3 months ago
        Where does it say John Terry is racist?
    • HEATallTheWAY631
      HEATallTheWAY631  •  3 months ago
      OH NO!!! JOHN TERRY WILL EAT ALL OF OUR OLD PEOPLE!!!!!! HIDE YOUR OLD PEOPLE, EVERYBODY!!!!!!
    • Isidro
      Isidro  •  Goleta, California  •  3 months ago
      John Terry is not perfect. Simple.
      John Terry is the captain of England. He is a leader of men. He leads by example.
      I've seen other players get touched and flop. I've seen Terry get blatantly stamped on, and he doesn't even yell. He gets up and confronts the player.
      That's, what real men do. Leader of men.
      • Matt B
        Matt B 3 months ago
        What you're forgetting is that he is no longer a particularly good defender, and his lack of pace is a liability. He really shouldn't still be starting for England, so him not wearing the armband shouldn't be an issue.
    • Tadaia
      Tadaia  •  3 months ago
      Nothing PC about this. Terry is a disgrace on so many levels its not even funny. Even Bellamy and Barton haven't had their own countrymen or an entire team try to snub them on the handshake that i can recall. What's more Terry's no longer even worth the trouble. Rio (England's best centerback of his generation) was banned by a tribunal for 8 months! fined $50K and missed the 2004 Euros because he was in the process of moving and ran off after practice to go shopping, thereby missing a drugs test. The FA should settle this by taking the band stat.
    • Raaaabert
      Raaaabert  •  Zurich, Switzerland  •  3 months ago
      Capello should make the FA name the next captain then. Dumbasses are undermining his team that they are paying approx 5M£/year to manage. Don't be surprised if the Three Lions don't make the final four of the Euros, that is unless a certain H.Webb is there to throw a few more boolshit penalties for Roo-ney to pocket. Not that he gives a crap as he pretty much never shows up for England.
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