In the wake of England's disastrous World Cup appearance, the Football Association is now considering whether to keep manager Fabio Capello on the job. Meanwhile, Spurs manager Harry Redknapp has hinted at his own interest in the job and the press remains adamant that Davey Becks looks good on the touchline. The following is a transcript of what we imagine would be Club England chairman Sir Dave Richards' meeting with the three men.
Richards: Thank you for coming in, gentlemen. I know you're all very busy, so lets get right down to it. I'd like each of you to tell me why you should be England manager. Fabio, you start.
Capello: Well, I know the World Cup was a disappointment, but I have a good record as England manager overall. And I have a contract until 2012.
Richards: Interesting points. But mostly irrelevant. Harry, go.
Redknapp: I'm English.
Richards: Indeed you are. And I'm pretty sure your jowls hold some kind of magic in them. David, sock it to me.
Beckham: Um, to be honest, I'd quite like to keep playing if I could. Once my Achilles heals up I'm hoping to get back in the squad for the Euro 2012 run.
Richards: I don't care about any of that. However, I do like how snappy you look in a tie and vest. It's inspiring.
Beckham: Uh, thanks?
Richards: You're welcome. OK, so far David is winning. Fabio, say things with your accent.
Capello: I have won trophies everywhere I've coached. England will be the same. Plus, I still have a contract until 2012. And you'd have to pay me £12 million to break it.
Richards: Don't care. Harry.
Redknapp: I'm English.
Richards: I hear you talking, but all I see are those jowls. And I like it. David -- make your case.
Beckham: Again, I'd really like to just keep playing. Please?
Richards: Maradona! You can be our Maradona!
Richards: Yes! Time for the lightning round. Fabio!
Capello: £12 million.
Richards: Mr. Wonderful!
Beckham: No thank you.
Richards: All right, I've reached a decision. David will be the next manager even though he doesn't have any coaching badges, desire to manage, or anything else besides the ability to stand around and look inspiring. Fabio will have £12 million delivered to him at midnight and will forever be considered an abject failure. And Harry, you will continue to undermine the current England manager in the press for as long as that person is not you. Deal? Deal. Now if you'll all excuse me, I have to go down to the McDonald's and tell them to address me as "Mr. Chairman."
Photo: Getty Images
- Harry Redknapp