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    Dirty Tackle

    DT Exclusive: Chelsea players confront Andre Villas-Boas

    By Brooks Peck | Dirty Tackle – Tue, Feb 14, 2012 10:32 PM EST

    Andre Villas-Boas looking confused. (Getty)

    On the same day as reports that Chelsea players responded to Andre Villas-Boas harsh critique of their recent performance by giving it right back to him, Porto president Pinto da Costa announced that Villas-Boas is being undermined by players who still exchange text messages with Jose Mourinho. Though Villas-Boas is confident that he has Roman Abramovich on his side, this is a troubling situation for him. The following is a transcript of Villas-Boas' training-ground argument with his players.

    AVB: Losing to Everton, wasting a three-goal lead on Manchester United. Chelsea should not do this. Chelsea must not do this. You are making too many errors and it is inexcusable.

    Daniel Sturridge: You're inexcusable.

    AVB: Excuse me?

    Florent Malouda: Maybe we're not playing well because of you. I'm 110 percent sure that's why I'm not playing well. I'm also blaming the Mayans.

    Frank Lampard: Everyone said you would be like Jose Mourinho, but you're not. If anything you're Jose Snoreinho.

    Ashley Cole: Yeah. And you never let us shoot the work experience kids with air guns!

    AVB: What? I'm quite certain that was never OK, Ashley.

    Juan Mata: You insist on having a beard even though I also have a beard!

    John Obi Mikel: I just texted Mourinho and he said you're like a skinny Rafa Benitez.

    Lampard: I thought of that "Snoreinho" thing the first day you came here but I've been saving it for maximum impact.

    Ramires: You're the reason John Terry keeps wanting to take pictures with me all of the sudden! It's annoying and I don't know why else he does it!

    Fernando Torres: You seem nice to me, boss...

    Romelu Lukaku: You're both Portuguese and a ginger at the same time! What is that about? Seriously.

    Lampard: Yeah, and Jose used to tell me I was the best player in the world while I washed my balls in the shower. You just put me on the bench and never say anything at all while I'm washing my balls!

    AVB: OK. Fine. I will compliment you while you wash your balls. What else do you want to blame me for? The weather? Tom Henning Ovrebo? Fernando Torres not scoring?

    Torres: Yes? Please?

    Malouda: No. Fernando! Bad Fernando!

    Cole: Oh god! Why didn't anyone tell me that more than just air comes out of airguns?!

    Watch Full Count!
     

    28 comments

    • David Nemeth
      David Nemeth  •  Philadelphia, Pennsylvania  •  3 months ago
      Drogba (calls in from Africa): It was AVB's tactics that made the Ivory Coast lose.
      • Felix
        Felix 3 months ago
        Drogba you are useless! with a sturma,useless indeed .Was AVB there when you missed a penault, idiot face to face with mweene your ball went flying and you blame AVB for what.You should blame Coloand Gervinho together with your coach
      • Liverpool FC
        Liverpool FC 3 months ago
        Felix - Obviously you don't have a sense of humor. David was clearly just joking - hence the thumbs up for good humor.
    • JB33
      JB33  •  Dallas, Texas  •  3 months ago
      It's probably a good thing that Sideshow Luiz was left out of this confrontation; he must have been distracted by a shiny object.
    • KDK
      KDK  •  Los Angeles, California  •  3 months ago
      Luis Suarez: I am going to talk to all of you. And if that's not enough, Im going to shake your hands right after.
    • sai
      sai  •  Bangalore, India  •  3 months ago
      LOL @ Ramires joke ..cant stop laughing ...awesome :D
    • Aaron
      Aaron  •  Toledo, Ohio  •  3 months ago
      The comments slay me :P
    • ivan
      ivan  •  Portland, Oregon  •  3 months ago
      And Lebron James thought he had it rough with people blaming him for stuff......
    • FawadH
      FawadH  •  Atlanta, Georgia  •  3 months ago
      Cole: Oh god! Why didn't anyone tell me that more than just air comes out of airguns?!
      .i died after reading that from laughter
    • Lady Guy
      Lady Guy  •  New York, New York  •  3 months ago
      In Northern Portugal and Galicia Spain the people have Celtic blood like the Irish, Welsh and Scottish. Explains why AVB and Fernando Torres (galician descent) are light gingers.
      • Lady Guy
        Lady Guy 3 months ago
        Charlie Sheen is of Galician descent too. let that sink in.......
      • Brooks
        Brooks 3 months ago
        Romelu Lukaku is unaware of this fact.
      • Bill
        Bill 3 months ago
        I find it hilarious that this is the detail from the article that Lady Guy chose to comment on. You're trolling, right, Lady Guy? Please tell me you're trolling.
    • Punishment
      Punishment  •  Fullerton, California  •  3 months ago
      What did "The Simpsons" Side-Show-Bob (David Luiz) have to say? I thought putting him in this article would have been a no-brainer....too funny dude....
    • Pranav K
      Pranav K  •  3 months ago
      Can't believe you left out what Drogba had to say. "Wow I had to take an immediate flight back to take all the blame for our struggles/ Oh I'm sorry I was playing in an international tournament. You're a #$%$ disgrace, Andre."
    • LM
      LM  •  3 months ago
      HAHAHA! Oh seriously, this is HILARIOUS!
    • Alexander
      Alexander  •  West Chicago, Illinois  •  3 months ago
      Epic win for the Torres jokes. I like the ashley cole one the best.
    • William
      William  •  Hendersonville, Tennessee  •  3 months ago
      That reads like what my guys and I do at work on the floor of BPS before we open in the mornings when no one is around. Looks like some good natured ribbing and a way to break up a tense locker room/training ground day. Saw nothing malicious. . . thought Lampard's comments were strange, yet, funny. For those playing the home game, Lampard was not referring to soccer balls, by the way.
      • Brooks
        Brooks 3 months ago
        This wasn't real, William. Just a bit of fun.
    • BR
      BR  •  3 months ago
      why always blame on coach. Players play with no passion of winning, can't win anything.
    • Mohammed
      Mohammed  •  Phoenix, Arizona  •  3 months ago
      why blame AVB?even jesus can change these guys.they do their own on pitch.they are old and beleive in their experience whilr they worth nothing.
    • Kaykay
      Kaykay  •  Donetsk, Ukraine  •  3 months ago
      For all of you who think Brooks Peck isn't funny, fair enough. Then just don't read or comment and spoil other peoples fun. It is not a universal rule that we should all have a sense of humor, nobody cares if you did not enjoy it, only if you did. I think he is funny either way
    • Living Stone
      Living Stone  •  Seattle, Washington  •  3 months ago
      AVB must try to be united with the players and try to be motivating them all the time.
      • Michael
        Michael 3 months ago
        dont use the word "united" when taking about anyone associated with Chelsea; the Russian might be watching.
      • Felix
        Felix 3 months ago
        AVB is as good as anyone last season he guided porto from the beginig of the portuguese league untill the end of it without a loss what is only wrong at Chealse is that players some of them are older than the coach so when he talks no one understands him the underestmet him.Chealsea should just buy new and young talented players.
    • Da Man
      Da Man  •  Tampa, Florida  •  3 months ago
      they are old, slow and rich....no coach could make them winners
    • John Ameh
      John Ameh  •  Lagos, Nigeria  •  3 months ago
      Luis Suarez should be a mid-field while Chelsea should buy another defender to assist Terry. in all am not happy with my team because they are not encouraging me at all.
    • oseni
      oseni  •  Lagos, Nigeria  •  3 months ago
      Why does Bosingwa still paly in Chelsea defence. Why play Meirless always and against everton why take out mata and not Meirless. Why bring Meirless to Chelsea in the 1st palce. Why pay so much for Lukaku if you are not going to paly him. Why bench Malouda and Kalou that much. Why keep to the same game plan all the time. Take out Meirless in the midfield and play Luiz there. Pair JT* Cahil in the centre,Ivanovic right and Ashley.Ryan in the left. Plya Mata in the Middle not flank. Plya Two strike upfont(Torress,Lukaku.Drogba) plya sturidge/kalou behind them and Lamps.Essien/Mikel/Romeu. PLEASE KEEP THE TEAM COMPETITIVE. Why are some players getting ample time and some no at all. About 20 of 23 real madrid palyers have played more than half of the game this season and that is how you build a team. AVB does not have what it takex yet to coach a team like chelsea.
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