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Brooks Peck

Dimitar Berbatov is...The Continental

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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Well hello there.

I see you've caught me receiving a certificate of sexiness in front of a fancy wall. Not a bad way to start a new season, no? ... Yes, it really is a certificate of sexiness. ... Or maybe it's a written warning to stop eating yogurt while casually standing naked outside the gates of the local old people village. Who knows. There are a lot of words here and I can't be bothered to read them all while in the presence of such a divine Berba-beauty like you.

As you can see, I came to this Berba-praising ceremony dressed to impress in my pinstripe suit and the finest clip-on tie that money can buy. I bought the entire ensemble at Costco while picking up my weekly replenishments of vinegar and mayonnaise. ... Yes, that's exactly why my suit smells like vinegar and mayonnaise. Are you aroused yet? ... Well, once you stop gagging, you will be. You will be. Ha-HA!

This is all just the beginning of what will be the season of The Berba, however. You see, I am going to reach levels of erotic goal scoring never before seen outside the mostly illegal parts of the Internet. There will be trophies. There will be goals. There will be unexplainable stains. ... So, again, as soon as you stop gagging, you will find this all very intoxicating and perhaps then we can go on a date in my van. It has carpet. And Ace of Base cassette tapes. Ha-HA!

Oh-OHHH! I just read the certificate of sexiness and discovered that it is, in fact, a written warning to stop eating yogurt while casually standing naked outside the gates of the local old people village! Oh, this is horrible! Now what am I supposed to do with my Thursday afternoons?

Join us again next time for another chapter in the life of...The Continental...

Photo: Berbatov.bg

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