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Dirty Tackle

Diego Costa’s guide to choosing between Spain and Brazil

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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Atletico Madrid striker Diego Costa was eligible to play for Brazil from birth and Spain through extended residency. Though both countries have finally developed an interest in the 25-year-old's services now that he's leading La Liga in goals along with Cristiano Ronaldo, Costa chose Spain and they have called him up for this month's friendlies. Even though he played in two friendlies for Brazil earlier this year.

So how does one choose between five-time World Cup winners Brazil and reigning champions Spain? By answering these vital questions...

-David Luiz hair or Carles Puyol hair?

Advantage: Brazil. Puyol's hair is home to 17,000 unclassified types of insects. David Luiz's is made of giggles.

-Neymar complaining about his fans calling him or Xavi complaining about pitch dryness?

Advantage: Brazil. Every time Xavi complains, a puppy falls in a blender.

-Julio Cesar tears or Iker Casillas tears?

Advantage: Kleenex. So many tears.

-Luiz Felipe Scolari or Vicente del Bosque?

Advantage: Brazil. In a mustache fight to the death, Del Bosque's wooly mammoth would eat Scolari's snow leopard. But Scolari's would seduce a few cheetahs before going down in a blaze of glory.

-Better to play for the home fans at the 2014 World Cup or against the home fans at the 2014 World Cup?

Advantage: Spain. If Spain lose, they go home. If Brazil lose, they have no home.

-Ronaldinho's partying or Cesc Fabregas' suffering?

Advantage: Spain. Cesc's suffering does not involve masturbating in front of a webcam.

-Fred and Neymar or Fernando Torres?

Advantage: Spain. The Confederations Cup already settled this one.

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-What do you remember better: Being born or last Saturday?

Advantage: Spain. No one remembers the day they were born, so why should the place where it happened be important? Furthermore, birthdays only happen once a year, but Saturdays happen every week so they are obviously better. That's just science.

There you have it. The choice is definitely a tough one, but the edge goes to Spain. And now we all know just how silly and pointless football teams based on nationality really are.

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

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