Dirty Tackle

If it continued… (Real Madrid v Man City)

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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If you squint you can see Alfredo Di Stefano sliding behind Jose Mourinho. (Getty)

Five goals in the final 22 minutes of Real Madrid's Champions League opener against Man City turned a scoreless start to the group of death into an unexpected 3-2 win with a 90th-minute Cristiano Ronaldo goal for the hosts. It was the kind of finish that makes you wish the match could go on a bit longer, which is why we must ask: What if it continued?

97' -- Maicon sees Gareth Bales everywhere.

101' -- Cristiano Ronaldo realizes it is impossible to sustain a long period of sadness when you are Cristiano Ronaldo. Also that when he goes several days without a shower he starts to smell like pastries.

105' -- Joe Hart makes yet another fantastic save, momentarily forgets whether he's playing for Man City or England.

112' -- Kaka nearly finishes his third needlepoint pillow of the season. He does a fist pump.

117' -- Gareth Barry exists.

120' -- Michael Essien asks Fabio Coentrao if Jose Mourinho is his daddy too. Coentrao slowly slides a few seats away.

124' -- Pepe starts convulsing because Real Madrid have gone the entire match without being shown a yellow card.

129' -- Mario Balotelli peruses a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey, finds it to be an irresponsible representation of the lifestyle it depicts.

133' -- Jose Mourinho and Roberto Mancini make a pact to use only holding midfielders the next time they meet. Mourinho has his fingers crossed as he agrees to this.

135' -- Having been dropped from Real Madrid's starting XI, Sergio Ramos finally realizes how the Copa del Rey trophy must have felt. He then quickly forgets.

140' -- Cristiano Ronaldo scores again, Mourinho celebrates by sliding clear across the pitch on his knees before launching into the sky and flying all the way to New York, where he lands on Pep Guardiola's head. The match is abandoned. Umbro is declared the winner because City's kit really was quite nice.

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