If it continued… (Real Madrid v Jose Mourinho)

Brooks Peck
August 8, 2013

After parting ways under a cloud of internal squabbles and resentments just two months ago, Jose Mourinho, who back with Chelsea, faced former club Real Madrid in the final of the International Champions Cup. Though it was only a preseason tournament, Mourinho stoked the embers of conflict with his old players by saying that Cristiano Ronaldo wasn't the "real Ronaldo" in the days before the match. Cristiano responded by scoring twice and leading to a Real Madrid to a 3-1 win over Chelsea, but given the air of rancor in Miami that night, we really must ask (for the first time this season), "What if it continued?"

97' -- Iker Casillas quietly revels in Jose Mourinho's frustration. He begins to weep just because it's been a few hours since he last did so.

101' -- Cristiano Ronaldo completes his hat trick then halts the match as he summons all other Ronaldos onto the pitch before using his supreme confidence to levitate himself above them all. Original Ronaldo just laughs.

106' -- Unclear on the concepts of anger and resentment, Kaka happily presents Mourinho with a cake his wife made. When Mourinho knocks it on the ground, Kaka forgives him and promises to send another one to his house.

112' -- David Luiz uses a pocket mirror to make faces at himself for his own amusement.

118' -- Sergio Ramos uses his newly bleached blond hair to try and blind Mourinho.

122' -- Upset by his old teammates feuding with his "daddy" Jose Mourinho, Michael Essien consoles himself by eating the cake off the ground.

125' -- Florentino Perez offers €97 million to anyone in the stadium who can prove they are Welsh and that their first name is Gareth.

130' -- Lionel Messi invades the pitch and hugs Cristiano Ronaldo for 30 minutes straight.

134' -- John Terry is entranced as Carlo Ancelotti's eyebrow does a salsa dance that can only be described as "mystical."

139' -- Pepe stops himself from assaulting Fernando Torres after deciding that he's suffered enough already. Instead, Pepe commissions a special Golden Boot award to add to Torres' collection of bittersweet prizes.

145' -- Desperate to fight back against this assault on his dignity, Mourinho enlists secret weapon Marco Materazzi to drive the Real Madrid players insane. But his plan backfires and the match is abandoned when Madrid assistant coach Zinedine Zidane uses his polished head like a meat tenderizer to pound Materazzi into the earth once and for all. Somewhere in Italy, Rafa Benitez gorges on gelato and wonders if life can get any better. His enjoyment is then interrupted by a prank call he doesn't know is from Mourinho.

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