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Dirty Tackle

If it continued… (Man City v QPR)

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

The final day of the Premier League season provided more entertainment than we could have possibly hoped for. And even though Man City came back to beat 10-man QPR with two goals during injury time to win the title, we still must ask the all-important question: "What if it continued?"

97' -- Mario Balotelli continues to be an upstanding citizen who quietly helps his team.

101' -- Everton realize that City finishing ahead of Man United means no one will know that they finished ahead of Liverpool.

108' -- Anton Ferdinand tells John Terry to stop trying to hug him already.

112' -- Though he was subbed out with an injury in the 45th minute, Yaya Toure continues to power the entire Man City team by running on a treadmill next to the bench.

119' -- Shaun Derry and Shaun Wright-Phillips decide to disband the QPR chapter of the Society of Shauns because John Terry keeps interrupting to hug Shaun Wright-Phillips.

123' -- Michael Owen sneaks onto the pitch in a QPR kit to try and help them equalize so his club will win the title. He realizes that he has no recollection of how to play football.

125' -- Samir Nasri offers to hang his winner's medal at Emirates Stadium for all the Arsenal fans who accused him of joining City just for the money and said he wouldn't win anything. The only person who is actually jealous is Cesc Fabregas.

130' -- Alex Ferguson officially declares that titles won in the past are now more important than being current champions and that the color blue is "scientifically proven to be stupid." Liverpool and Arsenal wonder what took him so long to figure all of that out.

136' --  The match is abandoned when Joey Barton comes back out and starts beating people with books about pacifism and his various hipster affectations. He stabs Vincent Kompany with his black rimmed glasses, strangles Kun Aguero with a stylish scarf and smothers Gareth Barry with a jaunty hat. For the first time, Nigel De Jong knows what fear is.

139' -- Maradona celebrates winning the Premier League title. Pele accuses him up making up fake leagues just to upset Neymar.

140' -- Carlos Tevez makes a "RIP Fergie" poster, confident that marring City's parade with it and making them apologize to Man United would be enough to sour the victory for them. He also invests all of Sheikh Mansour's money into a clothing line for Koala bears. They are his only friends.

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