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Dirty Tackle

If it continued… (Man City v Man United)

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

The mind-gamer gets out mind-gamed. (Getty)

Man City beat Man United 1-0 to gain the advantage in the title race and perhaps a bit more respect from their local rivals. Though Man United couldn't muster a single shot on target during the match, we still must ask that old question we keep coming back to: What if it continued?

97' -- Carlos Tevez stifles a maniacal laugh as his plan to get Man City as close to winning the title as possible before scoring an own goal to lose it in their final match before giving Roberto Mancini the finger and then flying back to Argentina with a jet pack he has stashed behind an advertising board nears completion.

101' -- Dimitar Berbatov continues to pass the time sitting on the bench by winking at people he wants to impregnate.

102' -- A bored Joe Hart notices this and worries that Berbatov is having an eyelid seizure. Hart is jealous that Berbatov at least gets to sit down while he does nothing, though.

111' --  Phil Jones crosses the ball to a patch of grass that has never been occupied by a human being ever.

115' -- Samir Nasri wonders if Arsenal fans will apologize to him if Man City win the title. He also wonders when that stranger he loaned his credit card to will finally return it.

120' -- Wayne Rooney decides he should've forced that move to City after all. He also decides to attach fireworks to his horse whenever it races.

124' -- Man United fans accuse City of buying success by actually shooting on target.

128' -- Certain he can do better than his son-in-law, Maradona puts on Kun Aguero's kit and hopes no one will notice. But they do because it fits him like baby clothes on a pumpkin.

131' -- Nigel De Jong and Paul Scholes tackle each other, causing Ashley Young to fall over before they even do it.

133' -- Mario Balotelli laughs. Everyone is afraid.

140' -- The match is abandoned when Alex Ferguson and Roberto Mancini resume making yappy hands at each other even harder than before and refuse to stop. Berbatov finishes winking at all 47,000 people in the stadium and decides to call it a day.

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