Dirty Tackle

If it continued… (Chelsea v Man City, Community Shield 2012)

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

Carlos Tevez celebrates his goal. (Getty)

Manchester City opened the new season by picking up where they left off with the last one -- coming from behind to beat a 10-man side and win a shiny trophy. Fernando Torres opened the scoring for Chelsea two minutes before Branislav Ivanovic was shown a straight red for a nasty challenge shortly before halftime. In the second half, Man City took control with three goals in a 12-minute span and though Chelsea sub Ryan Bertrand pulled the undermanned side back to within a goal in the 80th minute, Man City held on for their first Community Shield since 1972. But we really must dust off that old question and ask: "What if it continued?"

97' -- Though he doesn't know what it is, Eden Hazard briefly experiences self-doubt for the first time in his life. He then decides that only witches can execute backheel passes. This makes him feel superior to everyone else again.

101' -- Nigel De Jong is booked for dissent after continuing to argue with the referee in defense of the tackle that got Branislav Ivanonic sent off in the first half.

108' -- Brimming with confidence after his Euro 12 Golden Boot and earlier goal, Fernando Torres considers changing his name to "Sukit Haterz" but figures that would make things weird for his family. For multiple reasons.

113' -- Costel Pantilimon continues to prove that a great goalkeeper isn't entirely necessary for Man City. Joe Hart says it's just because Chelsea are down to 10 men but deep down he knows. He knows.

119' -- Carlos Tevez chuckles to himself as he thinks about how no one knows that the message on his shirt he revealed after scoring "Fuerte Apache" (the neighborhood in which he grew up back in Argentina) is where he will spend at least four months of the season.

124' -- Juan Mata completely forgets he took part in the Olympics.

127' -- Kun Aguero makes an unbelievable run and scores a brilliant goal. In London, Pele yawns.

131' -- Everyone wonders why, of all the possible alternate venues, this match is being played at Villa Park.

135' -- Fans boo, both John Terry and Samir Nasri think they are the target. They are both right.

145' -- Mario Balotelli watches from an executive box. When he starts to laugh, seemingly for no reason, FA officials panic and immediately evacuate the stadium thinking he's done something dangerous. The match is abandoned. Mario stays behind and does origami for a while.

146' -- Roman Abramovich calls Pep Guardiola. Just to say "hi."

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