Dirty Tackle

Captain Clint Dempsey’s new rules for the US national team

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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With longtime captain Carlos Bocanegra not in the team for the US's upcoming World Cup qualifiers and Tim Howard injured, Clint Dempsey has been given the armband against Costa Rica and Mexico. "Clint is one of our most experienced players and ready to assume a more vocal leadership role," said manager Jurgen Klinsmann upon announcing the decision. And to demonstrate his new leadership and more aggressive style, Dempsey has enacted a new set of rules to help galvanize the squad as they navigate the final stage of the World Cup qualification process. They are as follows...

1) Shut your mouth.

2) Every member of the team must develop a unique facial expression that can both mock and intimidate the opposition at the same time. (Menacing scrunch face is already taken.)

3) All beefs within the team will be settled with rap battles.

4) Do work or go lurk.

5) Burrito Bar Tuesdays will be happening.

6) The captain decides what music is played in the dressing room. If you request Bon Jovi, you will get a Bon Beating.

7) If Liverpool say they will sign you, do not believe them.

8) Snitches get stitches.

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