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A painful breakdown of Bayern Munich’s 9-2 win against Hamburg

Dirty Tackle

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You know it's bad when even the mascot takes a bow (he scored two). (Getty)

With a 20-point lead in the Bundesliga, Bayern Munich added yet another exclamation point to their domestic campaign with a 9-2 win against Hamburg. Yes, nine. Including four from Claudio Pizarro.

Now, Hamburg are hardly a patsy of a side -- they're currently in the top half of the table (even though their goal difference took a bit of a hit). So what happened at the Allianz Arena? Here are a series of pictures that tell the story...

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(Getty)

Pre-match: Mario Mandzukic, Anatoliy Tymoschuk and Franck Ribery predict how many goals their team will score in the first half (five).

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(Getty)

Xherdan Shaqiri scores the match's first goal in the fifth minute. He celebrates like a young scientist who just decided to create a human centipede on his day off.

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(Getty)

Hamburg's Heung-Min Son and goalkeeper Rene Adler realize this is going horribly wrong and they are powerless to stop it when Pizarro makes it 3-0 in the 30th minute. Their screams are silent.

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(Getty)

Arjen Robben scores Bayern's fourth goal of the first half? Time for hugs.

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(Getty)

Pizarro scores Bayern's fifth (and his second) goal just before halftime. Now it's starting to feel like a bit much. The celebration is reduced to pretending to be mimes trapped in invisible boxes that prevent teammates from high-fiving each other.

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(Getty)

After a brief respite, Pizarro completes his hat trick in the 53rd minute to put Bayern up 6-0. Hamburg players begin to doubt their existence.

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(Getty)

A minute later, Arjen Robben makes it 7-0 and celebrates by pretending to be a starfish. The constraints of reality and social conventions no longer apply.

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(Getty)

Bastian Schweinsteiger, who scored Bayern's second goal way back in the 19th minute, attempts to console Hamburg defender Heiko Westermann while smiling. Which kind of makes things even worse.

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(Getty)

Pizarro scores his fourth goal (Bayern's eighth) and realizes empathy isn't something he will ever have to worry about.

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(Getty)

A minute after Jeffrey Bruma finally scores for Hamburg to make it 8-1 and salvage a slim shred of their dignity, Franck Ribery adds a ninth goal for Bayern and puts Bruma and Adler on the ground in doing so. Upon realizing that this was probably a smidge too mean, Bayern let Heiko Westermann score in the 86th minute as a means of apologizing to him for Schweinsteiger laughing in his face earlier. So that made it 9-2 and just about even in Bayern's eyes.

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