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Dirty Tackle

Artur Boruc’s Friday Rage List

Dirty Tackle

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AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. PUMPING IRON -- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM THE STRONGEST MAN ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. PAOLO DI CANIO ACCIDENTALLY RUNS A MARATHON -- SO WHAT!?!?!???!! I ACCIDENTALLY DO STUFF ALL THE TIME!!!!!!! FOR EXAMPLE TODAY I ACCIDENTALLY COOKED AN EGG WITHOUT SETTING MYSELF ON FIRE AND ON TUESDAY I ACCIDENTALLY READ A MAGAZINE WITHOUT FIGHTING A STRAY DOG UNTIL WE BOTH REALIZED THE FOLLY OF OUR WAYS AND BECAME BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH WHY HAVE THEY NOT MADE A DISNEY MOVIE ABOUT MY LIFE YET?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

3. PEPE REINA'S OCD -- SOME GOALKEEPERS ARE REALLY STRANGE HUMAN BEINGS AND THEY GIVE THE REST OF A US A BAD NAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE CORN CONSPIRACIES NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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4. CORN -- IT'S GOING TO KILL YOUR UNCLE!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE AN UNCLE IT WILL EAT ALL OF THE LEFTOVERS IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR!!!!!!!!!! TRUST ME!!!!!!!! I'VE SEEN IT HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!

5. ROBBIE KEANE SINGING IN A PUB -- SO WHEN ROBBIE KEANE SINGS IN A PUB EVERYONE ENJOYS IT BUT WHEN I SCREAM TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS INTO A BULLHORN IN THE PIAZZA PEOPLE GIVE ME THE FINGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. FASTEST RED CARD IN AN INTERNATIONAL MATCH -- THIS WASN'T FAST AT ALL!!!!!!! I ONCE GOT A RED CARD THREE DAYS BEFORE A MATCH EVEN STARTED!!!!!!!! BUT TO BE FAIR IT WAS FOR NOT OPENING A DOOR FOR A LADY AND I GAVE IT TO MYSELF BECAUSE I TAKE PRIDE IN MY GOOD MANNERS!!!!!!!!!! AND MY ABILITY TO THROW PEOPLE INTO STREET SIGNS FROM ANY DISTANCE!!!!!!!!! ANY DISTANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. PALMEIRAS PLAYER BEAT UP BY FANS -- WHY DON'T FANS EVER ATTACK ME?!?!?!?? I TELL THEM TO EVERY TIME I MEET THEM BUT THEY ALWAYS RUN AWAY OR START CRYING OR GIVE ME THEIR WALLETS!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH I DON'T WANT YOUR MONEY I JUST WANT YOUR DROPKICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. MESSI IN THE COCKPIT -- AHHHHHHHHHH I JUST WANT THE PILOT WINGS BADGE!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS PUNCHING A CLOCK TO TRY AND MAKE TIME GO BACKWARDS UNTIL IT WAS THE RENAISSANCE AGAIN AND I THOUGHT IT WORKED UNTIL MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI KNOCKED ON MY DOOR!!!!!!!!! I ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS DOING IN THE RENAISSANCE AND HE SAID "ARTUR IT'S 2011"!!!!!!!! AND THEN HE LAUGHED LIKE HE HOPED I WAS TELLING A JOKE BUT WASN'T ENTIRELY SURE!!!!!!!!!! I SAID "THANKS FOR THE UPDATE!!!!!!" BUT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT I WAS NOT THANKFUL FOR HIS INFORMATION AT ALL!!!!!!!!!! THEN HE SAID HE FORGOT WHY HE CAME OVER IN THE FIRST PLACE SO JUST TO MAKE HIS TRIP WORTHWHILE I GAVE HIM A BUNCH OF BROKEN FRYING PANS I FOUND IN MY BATHTUB WHEN I WOKE UP IN THERE ON MONDAY AFTERNOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH I THINK HE REALLY APPRECIATED THEM EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE COMPLETELY USELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!

Photo: ArturBoruc.com

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