Buzzing on Yahoo Sports:

Dirty Tackle

Artur Boruc’s Friday Rage List

Dirty Tackle

View photo

.

Artur Boruc looking over there. (ViolaChannel)

AAAAHHHHHHHH I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS IS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MADE ME ANGRY THIS WEEK:

1. WHAT'S GOING ON -- THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON OVER THERE BUT I CAN'T SEE IT?!?!??!??!?! WHAT IS IT?!?!??!?!??! WHAT IS GOING ON!?!??!!??!?!?!??! AHHHHHHHH I HOPE IT'S ON THE NEWS LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. KEVIN-PRINCE BOATENG'S SEX INJURY -- PEOPLE THINK THIS IS RIDICULOUS BUT IT CAN DEFINITELY HAPPEN!!!!!!!! SINCE SEX INVOLVES SO MANY PYROTECHNICS AND TOASTER OVENS IT CAN BE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS!!!!!!!!! PLUS I IMAGINE THAT COMMITTING THE SIN OF PREMARITAL SEX WOULD ONLY MAKE IT WORSE WITH THE SMITING AND EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. PAOLO DI CANIO'S RANT -- WHY CAN'T YOU BE MY UNCLE?!?!?!?!?!?

4. CORN -- THE CORN NOW HAS FUTURE WOMEN UNDER ITS KERNELED CONTROL!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW WILL WE EVER DEFEAT THIS OVERWHELMING THREAT TO OUR EXISTENCE WHEN IT HAS FUTURISTIC WOMEN WHO WEAR GEORDI LA FORGE GLASSES AND SILVER BODYSUITS THAT I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO WEAR!?!?!!?!?!?!??!!? AHHHHHHHHHHH THE CORN IS NOT PLAYING FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5. RAY HUDSON'S REACTION TO LIONEL MESSI'S GOAL -- THIS MAN SCREAMS WAY TOO MUCH FOR MY LIKING!!!!!!!!!!! HE SCREAMS WAY TOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

6. TEAMMATES FIGHTING OVER WHO TAKES A PENALTY -- HAHAHAHAHA AS A GOALKEEPER THIS IS THE MOST ENJOYABLE SIGHT I CAN SEE!!!!!!!!!! AND IT MAKES ME ANGRY THAT IT DOESN'T HAPPEN MORE OFTEN!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH I CAN'T FIND THE BOOKLET THAT GOES WITH MY LITTLE MERMAID SPECIAL EDITION DVD SET!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS IT?!?!!??!??!

7. BUBBLE FOOTBALL -- IT WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF THEY WORE BOA CONSTRICTORS INSTEAD OF THOSE STUPID BUBBLES!!!!!!!!!!! ONE TIME I WRESTLED A GIANT BOA CONSTRICTOR NAMED LEON FOR 17 HOURS BEFORE WE BOTH GOT TIRED OF FIGHTING AND DECIDED TO WATCH THE MOVIE ANACONDA STARING JLO INSTEAD!!!!!!!! THAT MOVIE IS TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!! LEON FELL ASLEEP HALFWAY THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEN I HEADBUTTED HIM INTO JUPITER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. THE COPA DEL REY'S LEADING SCORER ALSO BEING A BANK CLERK -- THIS IS A TERRIBLE DAY JOB!!!!!!!!!! IF I EVER HAD TO GET A SECOND JOB IT WOULD NOT BE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WOULD PROBABLY BE AN ACCOUNTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9. MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI -- SO I WAS AT THE MARKET HEADBUTTING A MELON DISPLAY TO TEST THEIR RIPENESS WHEN I FELT A TAP ON MY SHOULDER!!!!!!!! BEFORE I TURNED AROUND I WIPED THE MELON JUICES OFF MY FOREHEAD AND THOUGHT "AHHHHH I HOPE THAT ISN'T MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI!!!!!!!!!!!!" BUT GUESS WHAT?!?!?!??!?! IT WAS ACTUALLY A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN NAMED ARTURA!!!!!!! NO IT WAS MY IDIOT NEIGHBOR DAN WYKOWSKI AND I ALMOST BLUDGEONED MYSELF WITH AN EGGPLANT RIGHT THEN AND THERE EXCEPT THE PRODUCE GUY JUST TOLD ME THEY WERE ALL SOLD OUT OF EGGPLANTS FOR SOME REASON!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY DAN SAID "HEY ARTUR FUNNY SEEING YOU HERE" IN AN EFFORT TO BE FUNNY BECAUSE WE BOTH KNOW THAT IT WASN'T FUNNY TO SEE EACH OTHER AT A PLACE WE KNOW WE BOTH SHOP!!!!!!!!! SO I SAID "YES!!!!!! IT IS!!!!!!!" EXCEPT I SAID IT IN A WAY SO HE WOULD KNOW THAT IF OUR ENCOUNTERED HAPPENED IN THE CONDIMENT SECTION HE WOULD KNOW BE DROWNING IN THE MOST EXPENSIVE MUSTARD THEY HAVE!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH I HOPE HE USED ALL THOSE COUPONS I GAVE HIM WHEN HE WENT TO PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM ARTUR BORUC AND THIS HAS BEEN MY RAGE LIST. SEE YOU NEXT WEEK! GOD BLESS!!!!!!

Sign up for Yahoo Fantasy Football
View Comments (2)