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Dirty Tackle

Arsenal fan offers to pay someone to watch Champions League games, engage in banter on his behalf

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle

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(gumtree.com.au)

An Australian man has offered to pay one lucky applicant to watch Champions League matches and engage in social media banter on his behalf. According to News Corp Australia, the man is serious about his offer, but even if it's a joke (which seems extremely likely), it's still funny.

Here's the full, original open call posted on free classified ad site Gumtree by the busy 27-year-old Sydney based Arsenal fan known only as "Dino":

I’m looking for an intelligent, insightful young man (preferably a law student) with an excellent command of English and a wide knowledge of football, particularly of Arsenal Football Club.

This role requires the successful applicant to wake up at 4.30am on Champions League Matchdays and post insightful commentary and engage in banter in a private Facebook group of Football enthusiasts on my behalf.

As I have a busy work and social life, I cannot arise before 7am as I must catch up on my beauty sleep. However I also cannot allow my reputation as an intelligent football fan to fall by the wayside.

If you are successful in your pursuit of the job, you will receive a style guide which contains a selection of “Dinoisms” (common phrases and standard vernacular I utilise) which must be used when posting or engaging in banter with specified targets.

The successful applicant may also be trained to engage in strategic flirting and mind games with several females via the Facebook Messenger application.

The successful applicant may also be required to troll specific football identities on Twitter, namely [SBS and ESPN presenter] Andrew Orsatti, [former Australia international] Mark Bosnich and [Daily Mirror journalist] John Cross. You will also be expected to attend weekly team meetings with my brother and I to brainstorm ideas for attack posts, photoshopping and general group slander. You will also undergo a three-day drilling to test your quick-wit and banter skills.

This is an enormous opportunity for a young go-getter to receive great experience in the art of football banter, while building contacts in the football fan underworld.

Pay is roughly $150 per game.

News.com.au called and asked the man himself just what "Dinoisms" are and it turns out they're nothing more than the usual unimaginative, mouth-breathing Twitter banter.

One of his favourite sledges is to call Liverpool "LOL'pool". Hard to argue with that. He refers to Manchester United as "Manure". Nice. And he calls new United manager David Moyes "Moisturiser". Given Moyes' incredibly soft start to the season, you'd have to say that's pretty accurate.

Dino says he's received several applications overnight, including from one guy who said: "I am constantly facebooking girls and have also got good football banter".

Still, there's worse ways to make $150 than watching a Champions League match and firing off a few tweets trolling journalists and insulting David "Moisturizer."

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