While watching their team play out a nervous goalless draw at Liverpool on Saturday, travelling West Ham fans broke the tension with one of the best chants you're likely to hear this season.

As former West Ham youth player and local boy Jonjo Shelvey warmed up near the away section, he was met with a rousing chorus of "He's coming for you! He's coming for you! Harry Potter is coming for you!"

The young Liverpool midfielder took the sugary abuse pretty well, clapping the fans for highlighting his similarity to a certain He-who-must-not-be-named...

(Getty)

The near certainty of Manchester United strolling to yet another Premier League title thanks to their cushy lead over reigning champions Man City took a bit of air out of the latest Manchester derby. But this rivalry is about more than silverware and for one of the few times this season, City played up to potential so they could snag a second win at Old Trafford in as many seasons. The 2-1 win for City only reduced Man United's lead to a still formidable 12 points in the table, but in the interest of keeping ourselves entertained with the current lack of title raciness, we are obliged to ask, "What if it continued?"

97' -- Fresh off the start of his court-ordered 250 hours of community service for driving without insurance while disqualified, Carlos Tevez attempts to kill two birds with one stone by serving as a steward after being subbed off for Javi Garcia. He is unhelpful when a tourist in a friendship scarf asks where the nearest toilet is.

101' -- Aleksandar Kolarov still has not blinked since kick off.

109' -- Arsene Wenger texts Robin van Persie to remind him that he hasn't scored in two months. Van Persie texts back to remind Wenger that he still has more goals than Olivier Giroud, Lukas Podolski, Marouane Chamakh and Nicklas Bendtner combined. Wenger then asks, "texting while playing isn't very professional." Van Persie replies with a picture of the Premier League trophy. Wenger replies with a picture of Van Persie's mother.

You don't often hear about matches in Sweden being marred by violent and unruly supporters anymore, but on Monday an Allsvenskan match between Djurgarden and Mjallby was abandoned after just 37 minutes when a Mjallby player was hit with a bottle (UPDATE: Aftonbladet reports that it was actually a pear that hit him).

From Reuters:

The home side Djurgarden felt they should have had a free kick when Ghanian midfielder Yussif Chibsah went down in the centre of the field clutching his face.

But, instead, play continued and Mjallby scored the opening goal of the game moments later through Robin Stromberg.

As Stromberg celebrated with his team mates, irate fans threw beer bottles, fruit and coins on to the field and Mjallby defender Gbenga Arokoyo appeared to be hit in the stomach by a bottle.

Though the referee ordered both teams off the pitch soon after Arokoyo was checked out by the team doctor and walked back to the touchline, it took 45 minutes to decide that the match would be

YouTube is chock full of football-related stretcher fails, but one would imagine they would be avoided with the use of a motorized first aid vehicle.

Not so in the Brazilian Campeonato Pernambucano on Saturday, when Sport Recife's 5-2 home victory over Belo Jardim was interrupted as one of the visiting players appeared to pick up an injury to the face.

He wandered off to the sidelines to be treated, but apparently, the first aid vehicle had already made it's way onto the field to bring him... face-fixing medicines and the option of a comfy stretcher. Yet it was the first aid vehicle that soon needed first aid of its own.

Take note, Alanis Morissette: this is irony. A traffic jam when you are already late and a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break are not. They are just unfortunate things. Jeez, Canadians.

Despite going a man down in the first half, Fiorentina came back from a 2-0 deficit to Milan to take a point with the help of two second-half penalties. The 38th-minute red card for Nenad Tomovic was a controversial one, though since replays showed that the elbow that downed Stephan El Shaarawy was both glancing and inadvertent.

After the match, Fiorentina manager Vincenzo Montella revealed a halftime wager he made with the referee based on the incident. From Football Italia:

“I do not talk about referees. I will only say that at half-time I spoke to Tagliavento and we made a bet that whoever was wrong about the Tomovic incident would buy the other dinner. He was convinced that he was right, but I think I won the bet."

You might think that the increased focus on match fixing and betting by participants would dissuade such a halftime wager (especially in the land of Calciopoli), even if it is after the fact, but it looks like dinner is on the ref. And a precedent will be set that could

Former West Ham and Aston Villa midfielder Nigel Reo-Coker is now playing for Vancouver in MLS and on Saturday he introduced himself to San Jose's Sam Cronin in a not so friendly way. In the 88th minute of a match that ended in a 1-1 draw, Reo-Coke turned Cronin into a flying pinwheel with a tackle that the referee decided was just fine.

Cronin and his San Jose teammates, felt quite differently on the subject (as did the home crowd, judging by the audible "Ohhhhhh!" as soon as it happened) and protested non-call. But the ref just ignored them.

Though Reo-Coker did get the ball first, his studs caught Cronin on the ankle as he launched him into the sky. Luckily Cronin was able to play on.

(@TaylorsFistpump)

Alan Pardew felt confident Newcastle were safe from relegation four games ago, but in the week leading up to Sunday's home match with Fulham there was just three points seperating them from their second drop to the Championship in five years.

When Papiss Cisse struck home in the 96th minute for a 1-0 win, the Magpies' players and fans were more relieved than Avram Grant at his last massage. After delivering the climactic happy ending, the former ambulance-driving striker celebrated by jumping into the stands with the Geordie faithful...

All eyes on Mario. (Getty)

Mario Balotelli has displayed an increase in production on the pitch and more maturity off it since his move from Man City to Milan at the end of January. This improvement is made clear by the latest story about him. You see, instead of letting his friends burn down the bathroom of his rented mansion by setting off fireworks inside it, he was simply caught smoking a cigarette inside the bathroom of a train car on the way to Milan's match against Fiorentina. Progress!

From Reuters:

Balotelli was told off by the train guard, who told Galliani: "You need to pull his ears. He was smoking in the bathroom," Gazzetta dello Sport reported.

Smoking is banned on Italian trains. "I want to say that we're going to fine him," Galliani said.

Perhaps Mario should just stick to sleeping on the luggage racks during train rides.

Fiorentina and Milan ended up playing to a 2-2 draw. Balotelli was booked in the 70th minute for not getting back on a free kick, which means he will miss next week's match