Having mastered the art of kicking teammates, Zlatan Ibrahimovic has now moved on to slapping opponents. Zlatan was sent off in the 64th minute of Milan's 0-0 draw against Napoli for reaching around teammate Antonio Nocerino to slap Salvatore Aronica in the face. If the slap is ruled to be a violent gesture, then Ibra will have to serve a three-match ban.

From Football Italia:

"I am reading catastrophic opinions on this, but there was no violence," assured Milan Vice-President Adriano Galliani.

"Therefore, I believe Ibrahimovic will not receive more than a two-match ban. I also spotted Aronica's gesture towards Antonio Nocerino that started the incident, but the referee did not."

But while opponents are protected from Ibra's hands, his teammates still live in fear of his feet.

'Chelse' FC? (@MrJimmyCorkhill)

Though Chelsea ended a sloppy first half against Manchester United with a 1-0 off an Jonny Evans own goal, they did suffer an embarrassment of their own and it had nothing to do with Fernando Torres for once (maybe)!

In a pitchside ad for their own official website's megastore, the web address was spelled "chelsefc.com/shopping." This, of course is not how you spell Chelsea and it does not bring you to any part of the club's website. It does, however, bring you to a black market shop where you can buy an authentic Andriy Shevchenko kidney.

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We've all made jokes about Sergio Busquets' habit of falling down and clutching his face for no good reason, but this time it was his knee and he wasn't faking.

A mere seven minutes after entering Barcelona's 2-1 win over Real Sociedad in the 76th minute, Busquets was accidentally stepped on by Carlos Martinez, opening up a deep gash under his right knee. While the writhing Busquets was treated by team doctors, Cesc Fabregas was visibly sickened by the injury, which probably upset Xavi that much more.

Luckily, the cut doesn't seem to be as terrible as originally feared and Busquets may even be able to play again in a few days. From Barcelona's official website:

Sergio Busquets sustained an injury on the inside of his right knee that will require stitches. His recovery will mark his availability for upcoming Cup and League matches.

And so, like any player truly committed to The Method, Busquets now has an experience to call upon the next time he needs it.

While serving his four-match ban for stepping on Scott Parker, there really isn't too much Mario Balotelli can do during Man City matches besides watch from an executive suite...and perform magic tricks for his friends.

As City eased to a 3-0 win over Fulham on Saturday, Balotelli made a Coke can disappear under his magical cloth. Kind of. Anyway, I've decided that unimpressive magic is definitely Mario's second calling. Every time he's banned from football, he needs to go on tour with an elaborate stage show where he shocks and amazes audiences with his easily solved illusions.

Video via 101gg

If the FA is looking for another example of how not to tackle, this should fill the void. Returning to Besiktas after missing two months with an injury, Ricardo Quaresma earned a straight red for his scissor tackle from behind on Mersin's Mustafa Keceli. That got him a ban for Saturday's Istanbul derby against Fenerbahce. And two points for the takedown.

Is that Jose Mourinho or Abe Vigoda doing the poking? (AS)

Two years ago it was Cristiano Ronaldo gazing into a hand mirror, Last year it was Jose Mourinho kicking Pep Guardiola in the junk, but at midnight this March 19 Valencia's Las Fallas festival will stay with that Jose-on-Barca violence by burning a giant paper mache version of Mourinho poking Tito Vilanova in the eyeball. That lasting image from the brawl that followed Real Madrid's Supercopa loss to Barcelona at the start of the season, is, however, missing a vital figure from the actual event: The mustachioed puppet master.

It's unclear why they made Mourinho a tiny, gaunt man with a combover while Vilanova wears a children's sized jacket and makeup, but this thing is too wonderful to burn.

Carlos Tevez taking a stand. While sitting. (Getty)

Carlos Tevez has once again refused to enter a match after starting on the substitute's bench, this time during Martin Palermo's testimonial in Buenos Aires. Tevez, who has been frozen out at Manchester City since pulling a similar protest during a Champions League match against Bayern Munich in September sparked outrage from both teams taking part in the tribute to Palermo, a friend and former international teammate.

"When I told Carlos to prepare himself to enter the match, he started swinging an imaginary golf club," said a confused Palermo. "I said that probably wasn't the best warm-up for football and he lost it. He refused to play and demanded we sell him to a charity match several blocks closer to his house."

When asked for comment on the matter, Tevez claimed he does not speak Spanish and couldn't understand what Palermo was telling him. It was then pointed out that he said that in Spanish and Tevez then ran away.

The film being sent to Premier League clubs.With increasing confusion in the Premier League over which tackles should or should not be punished, an attempt to teach players what is acceptable is being made in home video form. "How to tackle" DVDs will be sent to clubs next week because if there's one thing professional footballers will pay attention to, it's instructional videos.

From Reuters:

Mike Riley, general manager of Professional Game Match Officials Limited, has met with the Professional Footballers Association (PFA) and the League Managers Association (LMA) as well as leading referees to clarify exactly when a tackle will be deemed dangerous. [...]

"That message is that if you commit to a tackle that's at speed and with intensity, typically with both feet off the ground, then you put yourself at risk of being sent off."

The DVD is intended to show the difference between careless tackles, reckless tackles and tackles using excessive force using examples from recent Premier League matches.

"(Law 12) specifies the