Dirty Tackle

  • Future News: Tottenham declare that it would be nice if Real Madrid just gave Gareth Bale back to them

    Brooks Peck at Dirty Tackle6 hrs ago

    Spurs have announced that they're not asking for Real Madrid to give them back Gareth Bale, but if the Spanish giants decide to do it on their own, it would be very, very nice of them. This comes after Bale scored the winning goal against Barcelona in the Copa del Rey final in dramatic fashion, while Tottenham hope to retain sixth place in the Premier League.

    "We're not proposing that Real Madrid return Gareth to us in exchange for their money back because we've already spent all of the money on seven lottery tickets," Spurs chairman Daniel Levy mumbled to himself while eating his breakfast this morning. "So that's out. But if Real Madrid would like to just give Gareth Bale back to us as a gift, it would be impolite to refuse. And we certainly wouldn't want to be rude to such a kind, generous, understanding and dare I say handsome club."

    Spurs have regressed this season without the star who scored seven match-winning goals for them last year. The seven players brought in last summer with the money raised from the record sale haven't managed to make up for the loss of Bale, perhaps giving the club a twinge of seller's remorse.

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  • Thousands of fake World Cup trophies confiscated in China

    Brooks Peck at Dirty Tackle13 hrs ago

    While the real World Cup trophy continues its global tour before meeting its new owner in Brazil, Chinese authorities have confiscated thousands of fakes intended to be sold in different corners of the planet. The latest haul discovered by Chinese customs officers in Yiwu consisted of 1,020 golden counterfeit trophies that were on their way to be sold in Libya. Before that, 1,008 fake trophies were found about 490 miles of Yiwu in Xiamen.

    The real World Cup trophy is made of 18 carat gold with two layers of green malachite in the base. A gold-plated replica is given to the winning nation to keep, since FIFA learned their lesson after the tournament's original prize — the Jules Rimet trophy — was stolen and recovered while on display in England in 1966. It was stolen again in Brazil, who were allowed to keep it forever after winning it a third time, in 1983 and has never been recovered.

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  • Cristiano Ronaldo consoles Lionel Messi after the Copa del Rey final

    Brooks Peck at Dirty Tackle1 day ago

    Hey bud. You OK? I'm sorry you lost, but, you know, someone had to. And I'm glad it wasn't us. So that's...a...tough one.

    It's a shame we couldn't play tonight. Oh, you did play? Well good for you! Maybe I was just watching my teammates and the players who scored goals too closely. That's probably why I didn't see you out there. By the way, do you like my hat? I'm trying to make suits with a baseball cap the new thing. I'm pretty sure it's working. I'd say you should try it, but then you would look like you're trying to copy me. Maybe you should do a fedora with a tracksuit. It's just an idea, but it could work for you. Think about it. Not right now, of course, but sometime within the next day or so.

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