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Dirty Tackle

Antonio Conte is out at Juventus and Andrea Pirlo needs to replace him as player-manager

Brooks Peck
Dirty Tackle
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 (Photo by Marco Luzzani/Getty Images)

Antonio Conte has left his post as Juventus manager after three seasons and three Serie A titles, supposedly due to a transfer policy disagreement with the club. This is shocking and damaging news for Juve, but it's also an opportunity to make the greatest move in the club's long and distinguished history. By promoting Andrea Pirlo to player-manager.

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Player. Manager. Suit wearer.

Player. Manager. Suit wearer.

Yes, there are more experienced managerial candidates out there (more specifically: all of them), but no one has ever looked more like the mastermind behind the most successful football team of all time than Andrea Pirlo. Even if Juventus sell all of their best players (aside from Pirlo himself, of course), The Bearded One would still be able to inspire whatever rag-tag bunch was left over to all of the trophies with his unparalleled combination of masterful play, footballing genius and respect-commanding facial hair. He would play in a suit and it would be perfect. Again, this needs to happen.

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(Getty)

(Getty)

Juventus have won three consecutive Serie A titles and set a new Italian points record not with Antonio Conte as manager, but with Andrea Pirlo as midfielder. With him as midfielder and manager, Juventus would no longer just be a football club, they would evolve into a work of art that would inspire a new Italian renaissance. This might sound like an exaggeration or hyperbole, but if anything, I'm underselling it here.

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(Getty)

(Getty)

If Juventus do not name Andrea Pirlo player-manager, it will be a further disappointment not only to the club's fans, but all fans everywhere. This is a crucial moment. Juve's reaction to the loss of Conte will reverberate through the club for years to come. And with Pirlo those reverberations will sound like radio jingles written Beethoven an Mozart.

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(Getty)

(Getty)

"It was an unexpected decision, a bolt from the blue," Juve goalkeeper and captain Gigi Buffon said of Conte's departure. But if Pirlo is named player-manager, Buffon will follow that statement by saying, "Conte who? Just the thought of playing for Andrea has rejuvenated by body and soul and I can now speak 12 languages that I didn't even know existed under previous managers."

It's not just the club's current players who will be saying that, either. Some of the world's best footballers will surely offer themselves to the club at massively reduced rates just to play with and for Pirlo, while poets and artists will fill the stands at Juventus Stadium so they can produce epic works inspired by his team. Under his leadership, a footballing utopia would be achieved. And, once again, this is all just a conservative estimate.

Do what needs to be done, Juventus. Do what needs to be done.

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(Getty)

(Getty)

With that said, Zinedine Zidane would also be an acceptable choice.

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Brooks Peck is the editor of Dirty Tackle on Yahoo Sports. Have a tip? Email him or follow on Twitter!

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