Before he touchline-crouched his way to domestic and European success with Porto — and even longer before he flexed his knees on the side of the pitch at Stamford Bridge — Andre Villas-Boas was lined up to make his Premiership managerial debut in Lancashire.
In his upcoming autobiography, Burnley chief executive Paul Fletcher reveals that the current Tottenham manager was interviewed for the vacant position at Turf Moor when Owen Coyle departed in 2010. However, Jose Mourinho's former assistant talked himself out of the job by blowing the Burnley executive staff's tiny collective minds with meaningless esoteric jargon.
An excerpt from Fletcher's Magical: A Life In Football reads:
'Mickey Walsh, an old playing colleague of mine, got in touch with me to describe Andre as being a real up and coming hot prospect.'
'He sent a very detailed and lengthy application for the job. His CV and Powerpoint presentation were amazing. Even by today's standards there was some complicated stuff in it, with some things that I didn't understand.'
'Tommy Docherty used to say he never said anything to his players his milkman wouldn't understand. I don't think any milkman would fathom the meaning of a lot of Andre's presentation.
'The language and jargon of football gets worse by the day. Villas-Boas uses a lot of it. Would Burnley players have ever understood what he wanted if he'd told them to "solidificate" or some of his other terms?'
I think it's quite safe to say that Tottenham's rough start to the season is the result of not enough solidificating. Or perhaps far too much solidificating. Maybe we should ask AVB to draw us a graph in Excel and explain it slowly in milkman terms.