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The Premier League fixture list for the 2013/14 season has been released and it seems the sadistic computer that spits it out is trying to get David Moyes sacked within his first five matches as Sir Alex Ferguson's replacement at Manchester United. Here's how the league champions open the season:

17 Aug Swansea City A
24 Aug Chelsea H
31 Aug Liverpool A
14 Sep Crystal Palace H
21 Sep Manchester City A

That's away to Capital One Cup winners Swansea on opening day followed by Chelsea with Jose Mourinho back in charge at home, then away to rivals Liverpool, home against newly promoted Crystal Palace and revamping runners-up Manchester City away to round it out. What did Moyes ever do to the fixture computer to deserve such an unfriendly start in his new job? Did he once try to use it to play solitaire while downloading virus-laden pornography and feature-length films in gif format?

Playing Man United's two biggest rivals and Chelsea within the first five matches could either embolden his

A 1-0 win against Honduras gives the United States three World Cup qualifier wins in June and makes a trip to Brazil next year almost certain. It was a largely frustrating match for the USA as they had a clear majority of possession (62 percent) and far more chances on goal (13 shots, 5 on target v six and one for Honduras), but the calls weren't going their way and the shots weren't finding the net. Until Jozy Altidore scored in the 73rd minute, giving him a goal in each of the last four games to match the team record.

As intoxicatingly entertaining as the USA's 2-0 win against Panama was, this performance was encouraging in different and just as important ways. Having already climbed to the top of the table, there were many points when complacency could have set in and had a destructive effect in the match against Honduras, who beat United States 2-1 in February. But they didn't let the frustration of failed scoring chances and missed handball calls break down their confidence and

Leonardo Bonucci in 2012 (left) and Lorenzo Insigne in 2013. (Getty)

Spain's reign of trophy plundering terror continued by beating Italy in the European U-21 Championship final to defend their title. The latest addition to Spain's silverware stockpile comes almost two weeks shy of the one-year anniversary of the Spain senior team's 4-0 win against Italy in the Euro 2012 final. The Italian U-21s fared a bit better, only losing 4-2, but a hat trick from Thiago and Spain scoring their last two goals from the penalty spot proved too much to overcome.

So where will it end? Spain are also in the midst of the Confederations Cup — one of the few trophies they haven't won yet. If they can take that, you have to imagine they would grow bored of repeats and branch out to other competitions. The World Series? Super Bowl? The Ashes? Ice Hockey World Championship? The vikings of tiki-taka will not relent until they possess a jug full of tears from every nation on the planet.

Children play on the field where an unlucky keeper was struck by a bullet (avaz.ba)

Goalkeepers are used to having shots fired at them during games, but not usually from firearms.

Amateur keeper Duško Krtalica was playing in a tournament in the Sarajevo suburb of Boljakov Potok recently when he complained of a headache. The shot stopper assumed it was the result of striking his noggin on a post while making a save, so ignored the pain and carried on playing.

According to Sarajevo newspaper Dnevni Avaz, the 51-year-old completed the match, but soon complained of a stiff arm and had difficulty speaking. He was driven to a local hospital, where doctors were shocked to see that a 9mm bullet was clearly lodged in his skull.

Krtalica was immediately transferred to the department of neurosurgery and the bullet was removed. A hospital spokesman said the operation was a success and he is now in a stable condition.

This bizarre story raises so many questions. How could someone not notice a bullet entering their skull? How could that person feel well enough to play 90 minutes of

Hundreds of thousands of people have taken to the streets of some of Brazil's biggest cities to join rapidly growing protests against a rise in public transportation cost, longstanding government corruption, exorbitant taxes and large amounts of public money spent on the ongoing Confederations Cup, 2014 World Cup and 2016 Olympics.

The convergence of outrage over these issues has been building for some time. Relatively small protests greeted the start of the Confederations Cup and Brazil president Dilma was loudly booed along with FIFA president Sepp Blatter when they tried to speak at the opening ceremony. After the third day of the tournament, a tipping point was reached. As the number of protestors grew exponentially, police responded with aggression against both the demonstrators and press covering the movement.

[ Photos: See the protests throughout Brazil ]

The video above from Brazilian filmmaker Carla Dauden provides an overview of why Brazilians are against their country hosting

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Robert Lewandowski will hire a lookalike to take his place with Borussia Dortmund so he can play for Bayern Munich under a new identity. The Polish striker has been linked to some of the biggest clubs in Europe in recent weeks, but Dortmund have made it clear that they do not want to sell him. So in order to get his desired move to treble-winning Bayern Munich, Lewandowski is on the hunt for a passable lookalike who can play under his name at Dortmund.

"Once Robert finds the lookalike, he's ready to put his genius plan into action," said a source who most definitely is not Lewandowski himself. "He will grow a killer mustache and play for Bayern under the name 'Ted Raptor.' It's going to be so perfect. Wait. Now I'm starting to think that telling the press about this plan could ruin it. Actually, yeah — forget I said any of this. Seriously. Stop remembering it right now. Stop remembering!""

The elaborate ruse will be a further blow to Dortmund, who finished a distant second to Bayern

Hoverla Uzhhorod's Volodymyr Lysenko was sent off for headbutting teammate Mirko Raicevic in a Ukrainian match last week. Raicevic ran over to Lysenko and apparently said something that Lysenko didn't appreciate. The pair bumped chests and then Lysenko delivered the headbutt, sending Raicevic to his knees as he clutched his face.

And since all of this happened right in front of the referee, Lysenko was quickly shown a red card and escorted off the pitch. The good news? Lysenko is only on loan at Hoverla from Metalist. Surely "headbutting his teammates" is some kind of violation of the agreement that could get him sent back early if necessary. Maybe.

This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.

Tahiti lost 6-1 to Nigeria in their first Confederations Cup group-stage match. It was a result everyone expected and one that would've been absolutely devastating to most any team on the losing end of a scoreline that lopsided, but for Tahiti it was cause for joy. Ranked 138th in the world, Tahiti is the smallest nation to ever take part in a FIFA senior tournament. They have just one professional player on the team in 33-year-old Marama Vahirua, who plays for Nancy in Ligue 1.

"Our wildest dream as a team is to score a goal," Tahiti coach Eddy Etaeta told ESPN before the tournament began. After giving Nigeria players the gift of shell necklaces before the match and allowing three goals in the first half, Tahiti actually lived their wildest dream with a Jonathan Tehua goal off a corner kick in the 54th minute.

The overjoyed Tahitians celebrated together, first as a massive pile of humanity, then forming a circle and pretending to row. That happiness was tempered a bit when Tehua scored an own goal in the 69th minute and Nigeria went on to score twice more after that to get the 6-1 win. But in a way, that score was more of a badge of honor for Tahiti than had they lost 1-0. They didn't park the bus and form a human wall around their goal. They played without fear or regret. They attacked and challenged Nigeria, who weren't playing at full speed or with much organization.

It will only get tougher for Tahiti as they face Spain and Uruguay next, so they did well to achieve their dream already. Now everything from here on out will be even more of a bonus and Tehau can await a €50 million offer from Real Madrid.