Although such an event would make rappers, athletes, and bachelor-party guests very, very happy, there's no chance it will ever happen.
As the Associated Press reported Monday, some members of the pole-dancing community (yes, there's a pole-dancing community) are dreaming of one day showcasing their ability to hang upside-down on a metal pole in the Olympic Games.
To call their pursuit an uphill climb would only suffice if said hill was Mt. Everest. Pole dancing isn't recognized as a sport by the IOC, doesn't have any uniform judging regulations, and, most important, is pole dancing.
This doesn't stop IPDFA founder Ania Przeplasko from
deluding herself hoping that the sport could get into the Summer Games as soon as possible. "There will be a day when the Olympics see pole dancing as a sport," she told the AP. "The Olympic community needs to acknowledge the number of people doing pole fitness now. We're shooting for 2012."
That the schedule for the 2012 Olympics has already been set is only the first of thousands of things wrong with this statement. The next three that come to mind are: A lot of people do yoga for fitness and you don't see Denise Austin lobbying the IOC; it may be tough to envision Olympics where Derek Jeter can't participate but Savannah can; and, again, pole dancing.
How would you even judge such an event? Would there be a compulsory routine set to "Pour Some Sugar On Me"? Could competitors earn deductions for not getting a tip from the creepy guy with the mustache? Will the U.S. trials be held at Crazy Girls? And would Pacman Jones be allowed to judge?
We appreciate all that pole dancers do and respect the moxie of its community to set such lofty goals for itself. But we sadly don't ever see the activity in the Olympics. Unless, of course, Scotty Lago ever gets put in charge.
- Pole dancing