Opening ceremonies director: WHERE ARE THE DANCING VIRGINS? SOMEONE CUE THE DANCING VIRGINS! Oh, here they are. Thank goodness. Ugh-they're not skipping with enough glee!
Director's assistant: More glee! We need more glee! (To director) Now they're going to just dance around in the same circle?
Director: Yes, the focus is on Montserrat Caballe and Jose Carreras, two of the greatest opera singers of our time. Watch-the circle will slowly turn from single-cell paramecium into circles, and then they will join into Olympic rings, symbolizing how our world becomes one during the Oly-RELEASE THE DOVES! WHY HAVEN'T THE DOVES COME OUT?
Director's assistant: DOVES! WE NEED DOVES! WHERE ARE THE MOTHERF-Oh, there they are! So beautiful!
Director: And now they will move off the field, one heart. One world. So beautiful. (Dabs tears.)