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Trey Kerby

Nate Holland thinks your pants are too tight

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Nate Holland is a man of conviction and dedication to his cause. He is seeking to rid the world of what he considers the most heinous offense in the history of snowboarding. We're talking, of course, about tight pants.

Holland is a member of the United States snowboard cross team, and will therefore be wearing the now legendary "flannel and jeans" uniform. But when he looks around, he sees a problem. "I think the problem we have now is the emo look," he told the New York Times, "and people trying to use that as an excuse for wearing tight clothing." Sure, bro.

The problem, according to Holland, isn't that the trend toward tighter clothing could lend a competitive advantage, it's that trim pants betray the anti-establishment culture that birthed snowboard cross. Holland is concerned for "the integrity of the sport," saying, "I'm a snowboarder through and through, and boardercross is a freestyle snowboarder's race. I think it should stay that way." Right, because it wouldn't be snowboarding if people wore tight pants.

Holland's biggest issue is with the Canadian team, who are wearing slightly slimmer pants than the United States. He's told reporters to ask the Canadians why their pants are so tight. To the Canadian Press, Team Canada snowboarder Drew Neilson gladly answered that "if Nate wants to talk about that, well then at least we've got him thinking about something else other than racing, right?" Good strategy.

Slimmer pants just make more sense. Sure, there's less drag, but there's also less of a chance of getting caught on another person. And you don't have to worry about all that cumbersome extra fabric getting in the way.

Look, Nate: Team USA Snowboarding sponsors include Nike, Microsoft, and Visa. That's about as "establishment" as you can get. So relax about "the integrity of the sport."

Not to mention you'll be competing in a branded pair of fake distressed jeans.

Chill out, Nate Holland.

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