LONDON — Maybe you need a figure of Tomi performing as a U.S. gymnast. Maybe you don't. The point is that at the London Olympics, everything you could think of has been officially licensed and made available for purchase -- even a Garden Gnome on a pommel horse.
The main Olympics gift shop is located on the top floor of the John Lewis department store at the Westfield Shopping Centre near the Olympic Village. There's also gear available at each venue, some of it specific to the individual sports.
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Fourth-Place Medal was able to also check out the gear store at the USA House, the venue where Olympians and their families chill out during down time. Public access is limited.
(Alas, Nike wouldn't allow us to photograph its items in the store, including those gray $450 jackets that athletes are wearing on the podium.)
Coming up, some of the coolest and most expensive London Olympics swag available at the Games. If you ever wanted stainless steel playing cards, look no further.
And here … we … go.
The stainless steel playing cards set for the London Games, retailing for an astounding 650 pounds, or $19.49 (US) per card.
They look great, no question. So how exactly do you shuffle these? (And forget stuffing your sleeves with aces ...)
The London 2012 Olympic Teddy Bear is made in the U.K., is a limited edition and will set you back 79.95 pounds ($124.33 US). Don't mention it sorta looks like an albino koala, or face the wrath of Aussie-bashing Brits.
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A glorious sterling silver tea set that celebrates the XXX Olympiad, for the tidy sum of 200 pounds ($311 US).
The perfect gift for your Anglophile friend that likes to serve tea like she's from York rather than New Yawk, and is daft enough to believe it tastes better when served from an officially licensed pot.
These bad-mamajamma Oakleys are available at the USA House store and have interchangeable lenses, retailing for $240.
I asked the lady working the Oakley area what the coolest thing in the USA House swag store was; she said "these are." I said that's just because anyone who wears sunglasses looks cool. She didn't disagree.
There are several pieces of original artwork at the official store of varying degrees of quality.
I'm partial to Athletics "Glory" by Nicola Green, a screen print on fluorescent Perspex that runs 495 pounds ($770 US), mostly for the way it depicts the "YEAH, WHAT'S UP, I JUST WON GOLD [EXPLETIVE]!" you see so often in track events.
(Reflection of moron taking the photo not included.)
The official London Olympics Team GB Heart Bracelet, retailing for the tidy sum of 165 pounds ($257 US). Inside the locket: a tiny photo of Tom Daley's abs.
From the Ralph Lauren USA Olympic collection, this women's blazer ensemble costs $598; but really, who can put a price on looking like a clerk from a boutique hotel in Kentucky?
My goodness, what a ballyhoo! You'll be the talk of the town and the bee's knees in this $295 (!) hat that celebrates how jake the American Olympians are. Whoopee! Skiddoo! Other old-timey words!
The official London 2012 deckchair for 55 pounds ($85 US). We can only assume this was a reaction to the local media predicting that the Games would be a disaster of Titanic proportions.
Here is Wenlock, one of the Olympics' mascots, dressed as a Beefeater.
The doll costs 12.99 ($20 US); the hours of imagining Kang and Kodos from "The Simpson's" were victorious in taking over Buckingham Palace are priceless. ("One might say we have a … taste for royalty. MWAH-HA-HA-HAHAHAHAHA!")
Charles Fazzino is a 3-D artist that's done pieces for previous Olympics in Athens and Beijing.
This hand-cut work detailing London and the Olympics has a limited number of pieces available at USA House for $4,995 — the most expensive item at USA House. There are smaller pieces and prints available as well.
As most of us know, the Olympic gold medals are in fact filled with delicious chocolate, like gelt at Hanukkah. (Hence the tradition of biting the medal after victory.)
Considering these only cost 1.50 pounds ($2.33 US), we can only assume the ones given to champion athletes are of a very high Belgian quality, while these are of a week-old Easter candy quality.
My greatest hope for this Trivial Pursuit: London Olympics Edition (4 pounds; $6 US) was that it was the Grays Sports Almanac (think "Back To The Future 2") of the Summer Games — questions about events that hadn't happened yet, answers with spoilers from the future!
Alas, it was probably just a bunch of queries about how many old apartments they leveled to build the Olympic Park.
The Ryan Lochte Fathead for $50 at USA House — so you can wake up every morning, look at your wall and wonder if you'll ever be half as good as your co-worker.
And finally, the most expensive piece available at the official Olympic gift store:
The 2012 Olympics "countdown coin" at the official. It's created by The Royal Mint and it's 22-carat gold. It's also 2,880 pounds, aka $4,482.
For a coin. That, like you can't even use for a down payment on a car. Wow.
Here are some other bits of Olympic swag we found during our travels in the gift shops — including some from Russia House.
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