There probably isn’t anything more hockey than a commercial that features gritty black and white scenes of an NHL star working his ass off on the ice before chugging … milk. Bless our sweet, wholesome game you guys.
Here’s Minnesota Wild forward and American Hockey Hero Zach Parise in an ad that’s in circulation on NHL Network, hence it’s the first time you’re probably seeing it:
Gatorade? Too green. Coconut water? Too hipster. Chocolate milk? HOCKEY FUEL.
The spot aims to illustrate how "chocolate milk is the fuel that powers Parise's drive to be the best of the best."
Of the creative approach, The Hudson Dusters said, "We wanted to shoot Zach in a much more intimate and personal way than we are used to seeing hockey players. We wanted to put viewers in the mind of Zach Parise and make them feel the speed and power of professional hockey. Zach helped take the spot to another level with his natural performance and his incredible skill on the ice."
And love of milk. Seriously. Dude loves milk. From SI.com, on Parise’s preparation for a gold medal win in Sochi:
After practices, he'll drink chocolate milk because it's always available in the Wild locker room. The high sugar and protein content aids in recovery for an elite athlete who burns more than 1,000 calories during the course of a game.
So there’s the “backed by science” part, although one imagines science would also suggest drinking something engineered to fuel and maintain an athlete’s body rather than something a fat kid uses to lubricate their Chips Ahoy.
We asked science for their input and they said, "Well, water is always the preferred method of hydration, but I guess in a world where water was poisonous or scarce, you could try chocolate milk or whatever. But seriously -- water. Science recommends water."
In summary: Why is a commercial about a pro athlete recharging with chocolate milk so humorless?
Where’s the cartoon bunny? Or the scene where Parise picks up the milk carton and sees “DANY HEATLEY’S OFFENSE” on the side of it? Or the part where he enters the Team USA locker room, finds Byfuglien buried in empty bottles before he shrugs and says, “Hey, maybe try strawberry dude”?