Some hockey fans are making signs. Others are making sweet, sweet love.
The idea that blackouts, blizzards and natural disasters tend to lead to baby booms is a bit of a myth, but if there's one thing that will turn up the bump rate in Canada, it's taking hockey away.
Sure enough, with the NHL in a coma, several NHL fans have opted to spend some of that extra free time getting reacquainted with that stranger in their bed.
According to Vinay Morker, the owner of Edmonton's Hush Lingerie and More boutique, sales of his sex merch have gone up 15% since October. From the Toronto Sun:
"When Oilers fans, mostly guys, have to break their routine of seeing every game, they have more time," Morker said. "And there's nothing better than spending it with your spouse or girlfriend."
Morker said Hush's main clientele is couples looking to "expand their horizons" and he's seen a 15% jump in the sales of their sex toys, lingerie, games and sexual guides, like The Kama Sutra, since October.
Sexual guides, you say? Hockey fans: maybe it's been too long when you need a refresher course.
(Of course, the Kama Sutra is more than just a guide. It's full of kinky new positions for the hockey-loving couple that doesn't want to take the lockout lying down.)
Hal Roseberg, owner of Tease Adult Boutique in Edmonton, corroborates Morker's stats. People are getting their kink on during this work stoppage.
This gives me an idea for a great hockey protest when the lockout ends. The first night back, the fans throw all their sex toys onto the ice as a showing of -- oh wait. That's already happened.
We've heard a lot of stories over the past few months about businesses that have come to rely on the game for their income, so it's good to hear one from the other end of the spectrum.
It's also good to know that, while the NHL and the NHLPA struggle to come together, hockey's locked-out couples are having no such difficulties.
Before we go, I'd just like to share with you some of the opening lines for this story that I rejected:
• Maybe CTV was on to something when they dubbed Saturday nights during the lockout "Big Bang Night in Canada".
• What do hockey fans do when they're bored? One another, apparently.
• Turns out Gary Bettman isn't the only little man getting a lot of attention this fall.
• Bad news: 'So they can both watch the game' has been replaced as hockey's greatest sexual punchline.
• With no hockey on the schedule, NHL diehards have turned to creating zone entries on their own.
• Turns out that when hockey fans can't watch a bunch of pseudo-phalluses attempting to poke something into a goal to send off a euphoric celebration, they're into sex toys.