You probably recognize this sign, albeit not with these words on it.
This was the source material for one of last season's most viral hockey photoshops, as some smartass saw fit to replace the words -- which were already sort of weird and creepy -- with words that were even weirder and creepier. Also totally NSFW.
The very funny, very blue photoshop spread across the globe. Someone even turned the doctored photo into a NSFW Halloween costume.
One thing that helped the virality of the image was that many didn't realize they were looking at a forgery. Of course, anyone with an ounce of sense knows there's simply no way that sign would ever have been allowed into an NHL arena, especially now that all the games are televised and the signs run the risk of being beamed out to young viewers at home. If Sean Avery can't say sloppy seconds, an oral sex-themed isn't making it to air.
In spite of the censorship, however, some very weird, creepy, and inappropriate signs have managed to make it past the gate. Let's go on a journey.
There's nothing inappropriate about a man recognizing that another man has beautiful eyes, and Lord knows Taylor Pyatt has been the guy to help many male hockey fans come to that realization, but the combination of this guy and this sign just feels inappropriate, you know? It's so creepy.
I love signs complaining about referees because it's impossible for them to be reactionary. Unless the disgruntled fan went out during the intermission and hastily made a sign -- in which case, I doubt it would be this creative -- it was constructed ahead of time, and the fan just waited for an opportunity to complain about the officiating. Pretty tough to see them as anything but biased in that case. This sign is not objective!
Another inappropriate ref sign. This one poses a decent question, although something tells me that if a married man went to bed with an entire arena full of people, his wife would find out about it. And speaking of wives...
It's really creepy when fan signs bring them up. Good Lord, this sign. Lots of fan signs indicate amorous intentions, but this one pushes it from the realm of silly fantasy into desperate, terrifying reality. Look at that girl's face. Then look at the clearly unimpressed fan next to her. That fan is all of us.
This one's a little better, since I think every hockey fan marriage has to endure the "Honey, my feelings for Teemu Selanne in no way threaten our marriage" conversation. But that's a private conversation. It's not supposed to go on a sign.
The word "booty" has no place on NHL fan signs.
And now we move to questionable parenting decisions. Not appropriate: using the medium of the hockey fan sign to question your son's paternity.
I don't think this little girl came up with this sign all on her own, which makes the spelling and grammatical errors all the more suspect.
There are a lot of signs questioning Crosby's masculinity. I'm going assume the sign is supposed to be interpreted as "I smell concerned cat", because I was homeschooled.
But there are also innumerable signs that swing the other way, espousing romantic interest. Most, like this one, are grossly inappropriate.
But you have to score three goals at least. She's not that kind of girl.
Few are creative. This one at least tries a rhyme. The fan is fortunate Crosby's name rhymes with a body part there are two of. More rhyming coming right up:
The perils of having a name conducive to sexual rhyming. I bet Clyde Drexler saw a lot of inappropriate signs.
The Zamboni area is really dirty. So is proposing a foursome via posterboard.
If this sign were more specific -- I assume it's in reference to the Sedins -- it would probably fly. But when you claim all twins are gross, you've crossed the line. People can't help how they're born, Blackhawks fans. The fan that thinks ripping on twins is going to make Roberto Luongo cry is my favourite part of this photo, by the way.
Speaking of crying... under normal circumstances, I think this sign would be fine. But Bryan Murray looks on the verge of tears. Too far, fans. Too far.
I don't even get this sign, but trying to seduce Adam Burish into assaulting and murdering people for you has to be considered an overstep.
Speaking of signs I don't really get but are clearly inappropriate, this Islanders fan sign uses "rectum" as a verb.
Remember that Tyler Seguin photoshop mentioned in the beginning? It spawned this real sign from Tyler Seguin's debut in Switzerland. Can you imagine seeing that behind the goal in an NHL arena? I most definitely can not.
Follow Harrison Mooney on Twitter at @HarrisonMooney
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