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Trending Topics: Old Red Wings should not fear the tweet

Ryan Lambert
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Trending Topics is a new column that looks at the week in hockey according to Twitter. If you're only going to comment to say how stupid Twitter is, why not just go have a good cry for the slow, sad death of your dear Internet instead.

"Twittering," Chris Osgood(notes) said, "is stupid."

That's just about the best way to sum up the current generation gap of feelings regarding all things Internetty, isn't it?

There will be the younger group of people who grew up with the internet (AOL 1.5 represent) and those who are old, like almost everyone on the Detroit Red Wings, who did not.

Earlier this week Buffalo Bills wide receiver Stevie Johnson made news by first dropping a touchdown catch in overtime, and then blaming God. For some stupid reason, this prompted all kinds of talk about whether athletes should tweet at all, shoveling more feces (right, Vogl?) onto the pile of IS THIS APPROPRIATE talk every major sports organization has already had.

Athletes are going to tweet. Particularly young athletes because the Internet has always been a part of their lives. Head over the CapGeek and check their list of NHL players on Twitter. I'm not seeing too many guys over the age of 30 or so. In fact, even the ones that are, like Dan Boyle(notes), don't update regularly.

For some reason, retired guys seem to get it. Jeremy Roenick(notes) and especially Bret Hedican(notes) seem to really enjoy or at least understand the medium. So maybe next year when Osgood finally hangs 'em up, he'll finally get it.

Or maybe not.

(Coming Up: The Marco Sturm(notes) non-trade plays out on Twitter; the odd meme called "NHL Printers"; and a genius BizNasty tweet for another NHL player.)

After all, later in that same quote, he added, "I hope no one in here (the Wings' dressing room) does it."

Really, what's the difference? If Justin Abdelkader(notes) wanted to start tweeting, what would be the harm in that? Frankly, it's a little ignorant to just sit in judgment of something when you don't even understand it.

And how do we know the ol' fogeys on the Wings don't "get it?"

"I've never even heard of it," Todd Bertuzzi(notes) said while winding his pocketwatch so he wouldn't miss the next stagecoach. "What's Twitter? We're not Twitter people. Jesus. I'm just getting used to my Blackberry. I'm more of a typewriter guy."

More of a typewriter guy, indeed.

Again, these are not quotes I made up.

You thought the Wings played Old Time Hockey? The way these guys are talking, it's more like Olde Tyme Hockey, where the sun revolves around the Earth and sarcastic pelicans are used as cement mixers.

Oh and I just remembered Pavel Datsyuk(notes) has that James Brown ringtone on his cell phone. That's a cellular telephone, and the Red Wings would prefer that you only use rotary. If Osgood finds out, it'll be like the third act of The Crucible in that dressing room.

Explains a lot about Osgood though, doesn't it? Really helps you wrap your head around the old mask, the old playing style, and Wings' fans old belief that he's somehow a decent NHL-level goaltender. It has to be at least part of the reason he and Kris Draper(notes) keep getting contracts.

Just please, whatever you do, don't tell Osgood and Bertuzzi about @DetroitRedWings. No good can come of that.

More cautionary tales of reporting trade rumors on Twitter

Hey Marco Sturm almost got traded yesterday. That was fun, right?

TSN reported that Sturm was traded to the Los Angeles Kings right around noon, and several tweets from reputable sources said it was for a conditional pick and, far more importantly, $3.5 million in cap space. Good stuff all around. Kings get their left wing, the Boston Bruins get to bring Savard back. Sunshine and happiness.

But then Rich Hammond says oh yeah hey wait a minute guys, this deal ain't done yet. The likely reason was that he had to pass a physical.

By the end of the first period in the Bruins game against Tampa, the Sturm deal was pretty well dead. Speculation abounded that perhaps the physical turned up that his knee was held together by slowly yellowing newspaper and half of an old purple glue stick.

Peter Chiarelli, however, did acknowledge that he asked the wing to waive his no trade clause and that discussions had taken place. But nothing was ever finalized.

This is what happens when the mainstream media has no accountability. They just sit in their employer's office in business-casual attire and type up rumors for anyone to read.

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#NHLPrinters

I have no idea what started it, but all of a sudden on Tuesday people started tweeting about #NHLPrinters. Apparently they are very popular.

@WadeRudolph: It's slow, it misses pages, and the ink runs. Someone should have thrown out this Osgood printer years ago.

@DWKeoughan: Bettman GB2010 - prints what it wants, then condescendingly tells you why you sent the wrong job and wanted the wrong output

@concretefluff: The Henrik Sedin(notes): Compatible with all other models but for optimum results use w/Daniel Sedin(notes) paper.

@snelldarcie: The P.K Subban printer. Thinks his copies are better than all the vet printers.

@realjasonstru: Crosby printer: outperforms every printer on the market, people still find a reason to hate it

@ACatNamedFelix: The Brodeur printer can only print on landscape

@ReinaDeLalsa: The Alex Ovechkin(notes) printer: Fails to print in gold or silver.

And your winner:

@localsportsteam: Coyotes Printer - prints in only red ink

Congratulations, you all get followed by printer-specific bots.

Pearls of Biz-dom

We all know that there isn't a better Twitter account out there than that of Paul Bissonnette(notes). So why not find his best bit of advice on love, life and lappers from the last week?

BizNasty on Bobby Ryan's hat trick against the Coyotes: "@b_ryan9 did u play last night?"

If you've got something for Trending Topics, holla at Lambert on Twitter or via e-mail. He'll even credit you so you get a thousand followers in one day and you'll become the most popular person on the Internet! You can also visit his blog if you're so inclined.

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