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Trending Topics: Feel free to make other plans for trade deadline

Ryan Lambert
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Trending Topics is a new column that looks at the week in hockey according to Twitter. If you're only going to comment to say how stupid Twitter is, why not just go have a good cry for the slow, sad death of your dear internet instead?

I saw a couple weeks ago where some sports betting site set a line on the number of trades on deadline day at like 27.5.

At this point, I am very strongly considering taking out 3,000 mortgages on everything I own and putting it all on the under.

The weeks since the first significant trade of the midseason -- let's call it Francois Beauchemin(notes) back to the Anaheim Ducks on Feb. 9 -- have given us ample opportunity to reflect on how utterly pointless this year's deadline day will be. In just over two weeks, there have been 22 trades, almost all of them for NHL roster players. There were five yesterday alone. And several of the deals made in this time period are capable of being filed under "shocking."

It's been the case for a number of years now, probably since the implementation of the salary cap, that big-name deals simply don't happen on Deadline Day any more. Dennis Seidenberg(notes) was the biggest last year, and the year before it was probably Bill Guerin(notes), who fetched a fifth-round pick.

Wow, talk about excitement.

Even as it seems the relevance of deadline day has been waning, the coverage has only increased in volume. In fact, it's been cranked to positively absurd levels. There will be 30 -- THIRTY! -- on-air personalities on TSN, all of them fiddling intently with their BlackBerries for 12 hours (which, by the way, is not an exaggeration) in an effort to be the first to tell us that, yes, Luca Sbisa(notes) has indeed been dealt to Los Angeles for a 12th-round pick in 2013.

But all this action in the last two-plus weeks has 'em scared. Who could possibly even be left to trade by the time Monday rolls around?

(Coming Up: The triumphant return of Dan Ellis(notes) Problems; Scottie Upshall's(notes) presuspension tweets; and your Pearls of BizNasty for the week.)

The Senators seem intent on trading anyone who's not nailed down or named Daniel Alfredsson(notes) well before that date. The Avs are quickly running out of nonsensical swaps. Brian Burke might need to stop talking long enough to take a breath and maybe have a sandwich at some point over the weekend. Harrowing times indeed.

It's easy to understand wall-to-wall coverage from major outlets for, let's say, the draft. That's a three- or four-hour broadcast in which at least 30 things for you to talk about are guaranteed to happen. Same goes for July 1. Teams will have been lined up around the block to sign such-and-such a big-name free agent for at least a week, and there's endless discussion to mine in those.

But how do you fill five minutes talking about a trade like last year's legendary Milan Jurcina(notes)-for-a-sixth swap? Who could possibly care about that?

Oh right. Everyone. Everyone will care. Everyone will watch. And everyone will walk away disappointed around 6 p.m.

So if you were planning to call in sick at work, or skip classes to remain glued to your TV with six bags of chips and a 12-pack, just keep in mind that those same items might end up being all your team's GM gets at the deadline.

And he'll probably trade a mid-first rounder to do it.

Scottie Upshall feels badly about ending that guy's season

Earlier this week, the Philadelphia Flyers were playing the red-hot Phoenix Coyotes. After a play early in the second period, Scottie Upshall crushed an unsuspecting Oskars Bartulis(notes) well away from the puck, sending the defenseman flying into the boards and ending his season with a shoulder injury.

While the hit was technically before the whistle, it also wasn't anything you could call clean. Upshall was suspended two games for it, but not before he took to his Twitter account to talk about the incident.

Watched the highlights of our game. my hit on Bartulis was without a doubt late, but i had absolutely no intention of injuring him

I hope his MRI tomorrow is a positive one...

I was fired up for this game. The fans were crazy, even in warmups when you could hardly even hear yourself think.

No part of that, of course, does anything to excuse the hit or indeed the result, but it certainly helps Upshall save some face. Not that anyone would have called Upshall a dirty player or something like that, but this little show of remorse at least makes him look human.

You kind of wish more players would do the same. That's respect for the game and your opponent right there, even if it doesn't help Bartulis in the slightest.

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The return of Dan Ellis Problems

Everyone's favorite super-rich punching bag got traded to Anaheim, sparking a whole new set of problems for Dan Ellis to deal with as he moves from sunny Florida to sunny L.A.

@pete_eats: Season tickets for Disneyland are twice as expensive as Busch Gardens Tampa with no African Safari.

@HockeyHippie: It takes a month to get the Ferrari modified to meet the stricter California emissions standards.

@zerogravityfat: filing for taxes is going to be a bitch next year!

@wyshynski: The indignity of playing in the Honda, rather than the Aston Martin, Center.

@MisterUnreal: Awaiting name change to the Anaheim Ducks a L'Orange.

@kesrows: Going to have to hire someone to set his entire Rolex collection ahead 3 hours.

@mpants: Shipping a metric ton of gold doubloons...again.

@KDorau: Suddenly having Ray Emery(notes) continually hit you up for money for some reason.

And your winner:

@fakedanellis: Balance beams. #JonasHillerProblems

Pearls of Biz-dom

We all know that there isn't a better Twitter account out there than that of Paul Bissonnette(notes). So why not find his best bit of advice on love, life and lappers from the last week?

BizNasty on extended trips: I've been on the road for 6 days and it feels like a month. My standards in women are crashing like the dow jones in 2008.

If you've got something for Trending Topics, holla at Lambert on Twitter or via e-mail. He'll even credit you so you get a thousand followers in one day and you'll become the most popular person on the Internet! You can also visit his blog if you're so inclined.

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