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Teen Dylan Larkin U.S. wears flag, calls himself ‘D-Boss’ in amazing lost video

Dylan Larkin is a rookie forward for the Detroit Red Wings who is pushing for the Calder Trophy and recently broke the NHL All-Star Game record for fastest skater in the skills competition. 

But before that, he was ‘D-Boss,’ the dude who sniped pucks in a basement … sorry, “dungeon” net, wore a U.S. flag like a blanky and put over Patrick Kane as an American hero.

This video, which Max Roberts helped unearth, is from 2012, which means we might be looking at a 15- or 16-year-old Dylan Larkin here. It was uploaded by Evan Gizinski, a defensemen playing pro roller hockey now who was Larkin’s teammate back in Bantam.

This video … is amazing. Let us count the ways:

- Larkin refers to himself as ‘D-Boss.’ Multiple times.

- Larkin says they’re putting on a “snip show,” rather than a “snipe show.” Perhaps he hoped to become a mohel.

- Larkin says things like, “YouTube, this is D-BOSS, coming at you live from the dungeon here. I’m about to put up a snip show. It’s about to get hot. You ready, my boy-ee E. Slayer?”

- He’s wearing socks.

- He says things like, ‘Tearing it up it all around the metro area, Detroit. Wrecking the ‘D’. Showing goalies what I got. ‘Tenders ain’t got nuttin.” (Still don't, D-Boss.)

- And of course, that moment before they start shooting on the basement net, when they simultaneously say, “1-2-3 LET’S HAVE FUN!”

Larkin
Larkin

It’s pretty much impossible for us to love this video any more than we do, outside of one of their mothers calling downstairs telling them their Hot Pockets are done.

As someone whose parents still probably have my prepubescent voice recordings of “Nintendo Ice Hockey” play-by-play, we salute you, Dylan Larkin. Please always be this guy. Maintain your inner ‘D-Boss.’ And take care of ‘E. Slayer.’ He seems like a nice boy.

Larkin
Larkin

1-2-3 LET’S HAVE FUN!

s/t Max Roberts

Greg Wyshynski is a writer for Yahoo Sports. Contact him at puckdaddyblog@yahoo.com or find him on Twitter. His book, TAKE YOUR EYE OFF THE PUCK, is available on Amazon and wherever books are sold.