Team USA revealed their Opening Ceremonies uniforms on Thursday, and they were revealed to look like someone stole your patriotic grandmother’s quilt, created a jacket and then tucked white yoga pants into floppy snow boots. (For an Olympics in a city with no snow, mind you.)
They were created by Ralph Lauren, and hence retail for $25,000.00 apiece. (Rough estimate … still checking on this.)
Zach Parise of the Minnesota Wild was the chosen model for the U.S. men’s hockey team, which alas has led to his teammate summarily mocking him. He seemed to like his ensemble better than, say, Jonathan Toews when he first wore the Team Canada sweaters.
But that’s because Parise knew what might have been.
Puck Daddy has exclusively obtained the original designs for Parise’s and Team USA’s opening ceremonies uniforms, and we think you’ll agree that grandma’s quilt is an improvement.
Designs such as …
The Statue of Parise.
The swooping Eagle of Freedom.
Daniel Day Lewis.
An apple pie (a la mode).
A Real American.
And finally, a Miraculous uniform that would REALLY put a scare in the Russians...
If you're able to create more in Photoshop locate any more leaked images, hit us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Images by Harrison Mooney and Greg Wyshynski/Yahoo Sports
- Zach Parise