Usually, NHL Trade Deadline Day and the July 1 opening of the free agency period are known as "Hockey Christmas". Today, it really feels like "Hockey Christmas When The Toys Aren't As Good".
The opening bell of NHL free agency will begin at 12 p.m. ET, and considering all of the signings and re-signings that have taken place already, we're pretty much left wondering where Brad Richards and Brent Kahn will end up.
With that expectation in mind, we needed to find a way to spice up the five hours of TSN's coverage of the "Free Agent Frenzy" if we're going to be sitting around waiting to hear what third and fourth liners are signing overpriced deals.
Behold the Puck Daddy 2011 Free Agent Frenzy Drinking Game*!
This is a surefire way to make today's events -- or lack of events -- 74-percent better.
Of course, a drinking game is even better with your input, so please feel free to add your own rules to the game in the comments.
Coming up, what you should look for today to help increase your beverage-to-hand ratio.
Take One Drink When ...
• Anyone on the TSN panel looks down at their Blackberry's.
• The Winnipeg Jets sign a free agent.
• The Phoenix Coyotes lose a free agent.
• TSN interviews a player by phone.
• Pierre McGuire calls a player a "monster."
• Pierre McGuire refers to a player by his full name (i.e. Timothy Connolly, Steven Sullivan).
• Each time the "Philadelphia Flyers" are mentioned on the TSN telecast.
• Each time the name "Brad Richards" is said on the TSN telecast.
• James Duthie says, "We have a signing to announce."
Take Two Drinks When ...
• Someone signs a contract of five years or more.
• A fake Twitter account dupes a member of the MSM.
• You fall victim to a fake Twitter account of a MSM personality.
• Florida Panthers GM Dale Tallon takes on another overpriced contract.
• TSN interviews a player by video.
• A defenseman signs a deal with a cap hit higher than that of Christian Ehrhoff ($4 million)
• Ilya Kovalchuk's contract is mentioned.
• A goaltender is signed as a free agent.
• Glen Sather overpays for for a free agent (better get ready).
Take Three Drinks When ...
• Brad Richards or Tomas Vokoun sign on Day 1.
• A player you've honestly never heard of before signs an NHL free-agent contract.
• The TSN broadcast strays away from talking free agency and discusses other topics like what Canada's 2014 Olympic team might look like.
• A player signs for more millions of dollars than he had goals scored last season.
• A member the TSN panel can't figure out how to use his iPad.
CHUG IF ...
• A restricted free agent signs an offer sheet.
• Hugh Jessiman cashes in on his two NHL games from this past season and signs on Day 1.
• The TSN panel gets so bored with the day's events that they leave the set early to their cottages.
*(Ed. Note: Puck Daddy, of course, in no way endorses abuse of alcohol, consumption of alcohol by anyone under the legal drinking age in their region and, without a doubt, the operation of an automobile or any machine while under the influence of alcohol. These games are listed for entertainment purposes and we don't take responsibility for any result of their application. To sum it up, don't be a knucklehead and have fun!)
- Brad Richards