President Barack Obama – who, by the way, has yet to attend a Washington Capitals game deep into his second term, despite the Verizon Center being within walking distance of his bedroom – welcomed the Chicago Blackhawks to the White House on Monday for the second time, relieved that all of them showed up and none of them unleashed an anti-government tirade on Facebook.
Along with congratulating his hometown hockey team, Obama took time to acknowledge one of the most memorable aspects of the Blackhawks’ championship: goalie Corey Crawford’s potty mouth.
“These are not just good hockey players, they’re good guys. And that helps explain why 2 million Chicago fans came out to Grant Park to celebrate bringing home the Cup,” said the President.
“Speaking of Grant Park, we were originally going to let Corey Crawford say a few words today, but we thought we’d keep this family event, family -riendly. You guys have been hanging out with Rahm Emanuel too much.”
Rahm Emanuel of course being the current mayor of Chicago and former foul-mouthed chief of staff in his first term.
Here’s the introduction for the Blackhawks:
And here’s a transcript of his comments, with some added insight from your friends at Puck Daddy:
“Now, since I took office, we’ve hosted a lot of championship teams — from Boston and New York; Pittsburgh and Miami.
[Great, more East Coast Bias.]
“But since I’ve been President, only one team has brought a world championship to my hometown of Chicago, and now the Blackhawks have done it twice. Twice!”
[And to think, they actually had to overcome a formidable opponent the second time. You know, instead of Romney/Ryan.]
“Three years ago, the Hawks won their first Stanley Cup in 49 years, and keep in mind the Cubs have been waiting for 105. So 49 might have not seemed so bad. But luckily, the second Stanley Cup came just a little bit quicker.”
[Please recall where Obama’s Chicago baseball allegiances lie.]
“From the very beginning last season, when these guys won their first six games in a row, we had a feeling this was a team on the move, and we were right. With Coach Q behind the bench, the Hawks dominated the regular season.”
“In the playoffs, captain Jonathan Toews led the team all the way for a second time.
[Might want to ask Brent Seabrook about that ‘leading all the way’ thing.]
“By the way, he’s still only 25 years old. Now, I don’t remember everything I was doing when I was 25, but I wasn’t doing that.
[Pretty sure you can ask Sean Hannity what you were doing at 25, Mr. President.]
“That much I’m certain of. Incredible leadership on his part.”
“Patrick Kane, the playoff MVP, helped send this team to the finals in an incredible double overtime. I will say that some of the games were just stressful though. I was getting a little tense.”
[Please tell Obama’s speechwriter that it’s ‘FINAL’ before Canada invades us.]
“Duncan Keith had an interesting first round. Scored a goal in Game 3 and then he flew home to Chicago to be with his wife for the birth of their son Colton, and then he flew back to Minneapolis on the same day, arrived two hours before the drop of the puck and helped lead the team to a win to put them 3-1 in the series.
“Three weeks later, Colton may have become the youngest person ever to be hoisted by the Cup.
[Somewhere, Tyler Seguin weeps.]
“Finally, we’ve got Brian Bickell and Dave Bolland. With less than two minutes left in Game 6 of the finals, the Hawks down by just one goal, [they] teamed up to score two goals in just 17 seconds to bring the Cup back to Chicago.
“Seventeen seconds … that’s the kind of clutch performance that would have made Jordan proud, which is why the statue was wearing a Blackhawks jersey during the playoffs.”
[We hope Obama autographed the shoehorn he used to work in that Michael Jordan reference and gave it to Stan Bowman.]
“This team is a great example of what Chicago is all about.”
[“…trendy bandwagonism …”]
“It’s not just about what they’ve done on the ice.
“In Game 6, Andrew Shaw got hit in the face by a puck. It earned him more than a few stitches, but after the game he made the best of a painful situation. When those stitches came out, he auctioned every one of them off.
“It does raise the question like, ‘Who is buying sutures?’ Somebody bid on this stuff.”
[Probably someone worried about what they’ll cost under Obamacare …]
“He raised almost $20,000 for the V Foundation to help fund cancer research. And he’s not the only guy with a big heart back here. This morning, the entire team paid a visit to our wounded warriors at Walter Reed, helping to raise the spirits of men and women who sacrificed so much to defend this country. When I’ve had the chance to have some of our wounded warriors in the room with these guys before hand, I said I love the Blackhawks, I love all my sports teams, but obviously are the best team and most important team are those who serve us in uniform and keep us free.”
[HIGH FIVES ALL THE ‘MERICAN HAWKS]
“So these are not just good hockey players, they’re good guys. And that helps explain why 2 million Chicago fans came out to Grant Park to celebrate bringing home the Cup.”
[“… that and, again, trendy bandwagonism …”]
“Speaking of Grant Park, we were originally going to let Corey Crawford say a few words today, but we thought we’d keep this family event, family friendly. You guys have been hanging out with Rahm Emanuel too much.”
[For the record, Jonathan Quick’s profanity at the LA Kings’ victory party wasn’t referenced by Obama when they visited in 2012. But in fairness, they had to share the stage with some minor league soccer team.]
“So, congratulations again to the Blackhawks. To the Bulls, Bears, Cubs and White Sox, I’m term limited. You guys gotta get movin’. I gotta see you here soon. Championships belong in Chicago.”
[Sick burn, Barry.]
(Please commence with the blah blah keep the politics off the blog tirades in the comments.)