On opening day of the Detroit Tigers' season, Fox Sports Detroit unveiled a series of bobblehead statues outside of Comerica Park, the Tigers' home turf. As part of its annual "April in the D" marketing campaign, six Detroit athletes were given statue treatment: Max Scherzer and Torii Hunter of the Tigers, Josh Smith and Andre Drummond of the Pistons, and Pavel Datsyuk and Jimmy Howard of the Red Wings.
No mention of the Detroit Lions. The less said about them the better. I digress.
Most agreed that the statues were very cool, and installing them was a very cool thing to do. But over the last week, bandits have done two very uncool things, stealing the heads of Pavel Datsyuk and Jimmy Howard. Datsyuk's was stolen last week. On Thursday morning, Howard's head was swiped as well:
Like Jebediah Springfield.
Why would someone do such a thing? Perhaps they blame Howard for the Red Wings' first-round elimination. Perhaps it was an homage to the banned Zdeno Chara commercial in which he beheads a goalie as Howard remarks, "That mother[expletive] is crazy". Perhaps they are simply monsters.
Whatever the reason, it posed a problem for Fox Sports Detroit, who were planning to take the statues down in the next few days and auction them off for charity.
“What’s disappointing is that these bobbleheads were supposed to be up for charitable auctions for the Boys & Girls Club of America after they were displayed in the city,” Greg Hammaren, the GM of FSD, told the Detroit News. “Without the heads, the fundraising can’t happen.”
But the police are on the case. They spent the morning headhunting like Raffi Torres, and in short order, they had recovered Howard's stolen head and arrested one young dummy in his twenties. From the Detroit News:
“We went to that person’s house, and they admitted to the theft, and they told us where the head was,” [Allen Park Police Chief James] Wilkewitz said.
Officers found the head near a railroad underpass, Wilkewitz said. Since the crime occurred in Detroit, Wilkewitz said Detroit police will be taking over the investigation, which includes the search for three more suspects.
Unfortunately, the head was slightly damaged:
As you can see, someone drew a tiny, pink moustache on him, and there's a crack in his head. Although the head injury may improve the versimilitude.
Pavel Datsyuk's head is still missing. If you have it, please return it. An idea: leave it in Mike Babcock's bed like the horse in The Godfather.