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Oilers’ Mike Brown nominated for Mustached American of the Year Award

Greg Wyshynski
Puck Daddy

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The National Hockey League has been blessed over the years with a heap of hairy masterpieces adorning the upper lips of its members. Like The Lanny McDonald duster or Paul MacLean’s broom head or George Parros’s signature ‘stache.

What Mike Brown of the Edmonton Oilers lacks in mustache substance he makes up for in style, fashioning his follicles like those of an old timey bare-knuckle boxer and/or silent movie villain.

For his dedication to facial hair sculpting, Brown has been nominated for the 2013 Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year Award, given out by (who else?) the American Mustache Institute.

From the AMI, which announced the nomination this week:

“A Chicago-area native and forward for the Edmonton Oilers, Mike Brown’s commitment to the sexually dynamic Mustached American lifestyle has continued the deep connectivity between sports excellence and facial hair. One of the few Jewish players in the National Hockey League, Mr. Brown continues to exhibit the undeniable performance enhancing powers of the mustache as his career continues to thrive on the ice.”

(Interesting details there, as obviously Brown might also be in line to win the "National Jew 'Fro Award" down the line, should such an award exist ...)

As you can see, there’s a legacy of athletes winning this award, including Diamondbacks pitcher Clay Zavada and Brewers pitcher Jon Axford.

But it isn’t going to be an easy mustache ride for Brown, as he faces the iconic Geraldo Rivera as well as Ron Burgundy and Brian Fontana from San Diego’s Channel 4 news team.

But if Brown doesn’t take home the prize, handed out at the “Stache Bash” in Pittsburgh this October, we imagine he’ll take it in stride. As the great Nick Offerman wrote: “The moustache can be considered a relief valve of sorts, for the buildup of animal preening that most people completely repress. That’s what makes a man with a good stache so cool, calm, and collected.”

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