Jersey Fouls is our ongoing exploration of the rules and etiquette for proper hockey jersey creation and exhibition. If you spot what you think may be a foul in your arena, email a photo to us at firstname.lastname@example.org for inclusion in future installment.
The '69' sweater is the "dumb blonde" joke of Jersey Foulism: Usually sexual in nature, occasionally witty, but more often than not as clever and subtle as a pie to the face, followed by a sledgehammer.
Reader Bryan Gerdes appears to cosmically draw out these '69' Jerseys at the arena, taking the two images you see above within months of each other. He's like a spiritual medium, if spiritual mediums specialized in locating clumsy double entendres on clothing rather than ghosts.
The one above and left is a St. Louis Blues jersey that apparently the players autographed in between groans.
The one above and right is a Florida Panthers jersey that must enchant all the ladies. (We're not sure if this is the same person or not; if so, is it possible he has variations of '69' jerseys for all 30 teams?)
Both images were taken at Blues home games, and we're starting to see Scottrade Center become another epicenter for Jersey Fouls.
If Washington, DC is the home for personalized jerseys and San Jose is the central location for intellectually adventurous Fouls, then St. Louis is the primary exporter of the beer bong and fist-bump variety of Foul.
Unless we're just extrapolating from this T.J. Oshie "Broshie" T-shirt Foul, via Joe Sports Fan.
(Coming Up: Spelling fails in Los Angeles and St. Louis; Frankenjersey honors Richards, baffles Red Wings fans; Oilers fan remembers failure; Pearl Jam Foul; a Foul that doesn't want to make us go swimming; Matt Bradley Protest jersey; and more whimsy from San Jose.)
And here … we … go.
Reader Josh Novak wasn't sure if "a straight up typo counts as a jersey foul." It is, in fact, one of the more straightforward FAILS you can come across, combining the sloppiness of the person who created the jersey with the oblivious nature of the person who is wearing it.
So this Drew Doughty misspell for the Los Angeles Kings is a Foul indeed.
Although sometimes these Fouls are so egregious, you can't believe they're unintentional. For instance:
Via Joe Kennedy:
This could legitimately be this person's last name, but the number is too coincidental. If this person was really trying to spell the name of our newest captain, then I regret not getting security to get this person thrown out.
David Backes didn't fight 10,000 Canadians for you to monkey with his last name.
Oh, now what the hell is this?
Via 'CapsWingsFan' comes this Detroit Red Wings/Minnesota Wild Frankenjersey that we suspect is some kind of "I root for two teams yuck yuck yuck" situation.
Just terrible … although we are now in the mood for Buffalo Wild Wings.
Look, there's no question that the Edmonton Oilers came very, very close to winning the Stanley Cup in 2006, going seven games with the Carolina Hurricanes despite losing Dwayne Roloson in Game 1. But, c'mon now: We're going to commemorate an Edmonton Stanley Cup Final loss, like they're the Florida Panthers or something? Oh boo-hoo, we only had one dynasty within the last 20 years. 30 years.
And shouldn't Lauren Pronger/years in the basement aftermath completely take the shine off that apple? (Via reader Dave Waddell.)
From reader Andrew McDermott, a Tampa Bay Lightning Foul that makes us never want to go swimming ever again. Ever.
Please recall former Washington Capitals forward Matt Bradley criticizing Alex Semin last summer and then apologizing for speaking out of turn when the Florida Panthers visited DC for the first time this season. Here's a Protest Jersey-Tee that honors this landmark moment in Russo-Canadian relations. (Via Russian Machine Never Breaks)
Another Jersey-Tee, this like a Frankenjersey in honor of former Philadelphia Flyers captain and current Los Angeles Kings center Mike Richards.
Total pass as a Tribute Jersey. Lightweight material, too; great for a night out at the bars or lounging on the beach at the (dry) island.
I seem to recognize this Foul
Awful, peculiar, I want to blaze it
Cannot find an argument why it's not so lame
Please say that you received this for free
Why not wear Kyle Okpo-so? Instead you wasted your dough
On this grunge-tastic Jersey
Money and taste they fade, fade away...
Money and taste they fade, fade away...
From the West Coast Capital of Jersey Fouls comes this two-fer for the San Jose Sharks.
"Dragon Rider" could be a reference to any number of things, although we're secretly rooting for something Eragon-related. (The '24' obviously a reference to its gross in millions at the box office.) Total Foul, by the way … unless this was a nickname for Sergei Makarov. Please tell us this was a nickname for Sergei Makarov.
'AmanadaB729' sent in the Foul on the right, and we're going to need a ruling on it. Mascot Jerseys are a sticky wicket, because some of them wear team-issued sweaters with their names and numbers on them. But Slappy, the flatulent dummy that Joe Thornton used to sell tickets (keep your Heatley jokes to yourself), is a different story.
Does he have his own jersey? Is it cool to wear one in his honor? Pass or Fail?
And finally …
The end is the beginning is the end. Vince A. from Philadelphia brings us full circle:
As a faithful reader of Puck Daddy, I found it my civic duty to report this potential foul, occurring Saturday night at the Flyers-Blues game at the Wells Fargo Center. Now although I admit I got a cheap laugh upon seeing this, I called the foul into question when I realized that the number and the name were two completely different....activities, shall we call it? The guy clearly has a pair of brass ones for wearing this in public, if nothing else!
Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yea. There's really nothing else we can say.