Jersey Fouls is our ongoing exploration of the rules and etiquette for proper hockey jersey creation and exhibition. If you spot what you think may be a foul in your arena, email a photo to us at firstname.lastname@example.org for inclusion in future installment.
We’d like to apologize to all the New York Islanders fans in the readership for bringing every waking nightmare they have to the forefront.
Seriously, this is like someone’s crazy relative that they keep locked in the attic getting out, dressing like a fisherman and then squeezing a tube of Aquafresh on your child’s new fiancée.
Of course, John Tavares would have never worn the Fishsticks jersey, as Mike Milbury would have traded him for the chance to draft Ryan Nugent-Hopkins. (Ask Luongo.)
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(Coming up: USA HELL YEAH, St. Louis Blues fouls and a polo bro mocks Sidney Crosby.)
And here … we … go.
\A couple of Frankenjerseys to start, beginning with Dave Wilson’s find from the Great White North. This is some wacked out Team Canada/Edmonton Oilers hybrid that mixes logos and colors and nameplates and general makes it look like these guys were caught in a transporter accident.
Here are some St. Louis Fouls from ‘DanGNR’:
Mr. Puck Daddy,
During the Blues home opener pep rally outside Drinkscotch center, I happened to walk upon this glorious double jersey foul.
You'll 1st notice their jerseys aren't actually hockey jerseys. Their baseball jerseys.
One half is St. Louis Cardinals, the other is St. Louis Blues, in a baseball jersey style.
This in and of itself is 'questionable.' But this is St. Louis, a baseball town. BFIB they say.
You'll notice next that "St." is actually spelled out. No No No.. Is it the Saint Louis Cardinals or Saint Louis Blues? Nope.
You'll also notice that "1" is on both. Ozzie smith deserves more respect than this, however, Roman Turek does not. But he likely is sleeping somewhere and doesn't care.
Moving on. The last thing that brings this double jersey foul to a "whole 'nother level" is the fact that there are two left cardinals halves (or halfs if you're a leaf) and two right Blues halves. This means there are unused (or worse, used) two right half cardinals jerseys and two left half Blues 'baseball jerseys' out there, somewhere.
The most disturbing thing about this: Wither the Rams?
From Eric Powers:
“Courtesy of my hometown team, and the unfortunate capital of jersey fouls, this man wants you to know that he is patriotic. If you're going to do that, why not at least go with proud number 76?”
We’re not even sure if this is supposed to reference any of the players who wore No. 3. Tom Poti, ‘Merican hero?
Via Ms. Conduct on Twitter, here is (a) potentially the only Peter Regin jersey in circulation because (b) you actually have to remind everyone who Peter Regin is with a subheading.
From Jason Gordon comes a Toronto Maple Leafs conundrum.
Tucking in your hockey jersey, and especially into jeans, is an affront to fashion. It’s a penalty in the NHL (should they actually call it). It’s just so … Kid Rock concert.
But what if the tucker was wearing a Tucker?
Is there some level of subversive comedy happening here?
We’re willing to accept the possibility, although we’re not sure if truth in jersey names is the way to go, lest a number of San Jose Sharks fans wear Brent Burns jerseys are set ablaze.
From Joey August, the inevitable tribute to Roberto Luongo’s Twitter handle. No truth to the rumor that if you turn it inside out, it’s a James Duthie jersey.
Reader Dave sends in this Foul.
Radio station? Vowel challenged last name?
Nope. “Keep Calm And Chive On”, people.
And finally …
From “Avid Rangers Fan”:
“Here is a picture of a Ranger fan at November 6th's game against the Penguins. He is wearing a polo shirt and had the lettering and number professionally done. It's definitely a jersey foul but a good jersey foul for Ranger fans. Hope to see it on the next edition of jersey fouls.”
Jersey Foul on a while polo shirt?
We’ve reached heretofore unseen levels of douchery, people.