Jersey Fouls is our ongoing exploration of the rules and etiquette for proper hockey jersey creation and exhibition. If you spot what you think may be a foul in your arena, email a photo to us at firstname.lastname@example.org for inclusion in future installment.
From The Barrister of Section 417, at a Washington Capitals game vs. the Bruins, writing about this completely reasonable request from a fan.
"Surprised it wasn't No. 69 ..."
Thank goodness for small miracles. Really crafty leaving off that "W" … totally subliminal.
Perhaps the most frustrating thing about this Foul: Let's say it works. Let's say a woman is like, "Heck yes, here are the ta-tas you requested." The nameplate's on the back. He'll never know it happened …
(Coming Up: Boston sports Frankenjersey; Kovalchuk Foul; a Flyers fan having it both ways; a great 'Faux-viet' Foul; Michael Jordan in China; Sabres fan gets cute; and a Grant Clitsome tribute.)
And here … we … go.
"I just don't understand. I think Mike Vrabel was an awesome tight end/linebacker. I also think Tim Thomas is an awesome goalie. Why does this need to happen?"
Because Boston. That's why.
I've got a Jersey Foul from earlier in the year. I saw this woman wearing a number 14 Columbus jersey with the name "Cha Cha." For those not aware, the current number 14 is everybody's favorite defenseman by name, Grant Clitsome. A quick search of Hockey-Reference.com shows that only four players for the Blue Jackets have ever used 14, and unless Raffi Torres or Ray Whitney mean something else to this lady, this is the most awkward Clitsome tribute ever. I think the look from the kid on her left sums it up pretty well.
So, in summary: Uh, wow.
Saw this in the concourse of Prudential Center at Game 2 just now. Did Kovy skate on a line with Wilf Paiement?
Any attempt by a Devils fan to connect to the Colorado Rockies and Kansas City Scouts is baffling. Yes, the jerseys are sweet. Yes, it's kitschy to show up at the Rock wearing them. SPOILER WARNING: They sucked as much as two sucky teams can suck. And the Devils have three Stanley Cups.
Via AJ Basile, we'll just go ahead and assume this Devils fan's last name is Kessler and he thought it would be clever to use Ryan Kesler's number on a Jersey jersey. Instead, it has created a Foul with so many complicated layers of awful it'll take Leo DiCaprio and Ellen Page to navigate them.
Via Justin Fields, here's another one from the great state of Michigan that … well, made some of us cross our legs and wince:
This guy was across the aisle from me at a Grand Rapids Griffins game with a Red Wings jersey with the name "Kutchasakov."
I actually did a double take when I saw it, thinking I must have misread it the first time.
No, you read it right. It takes some stones to wear that sweater. Luckily, he knows how to collect them.
So I took this photo on a lake in Beijing. I am sure that this isn't the first time you have seen Jordan appear on a Hawks jersey and may not count as a foul in and of itself. But allow me to add some context to the situation, which was most certainly a foul taken in its entirety.
Not only was this guy wearing a jersey cross-pollinated with basketball DNA, but, as you can see, he was also skating around a public skating area with a hockey stick and shin guards. What you can't see from the picture is that NO ONE else was playing hockey. In fact, this guy didn't even have a puck. Which is apparently a thing here. I saw another guy last week in full equipment just skating back and forth.
I clearly need to find out the translation for puck bunny in Chinese.
Via Emily Beaudoin, this Protest Shirt was seen in Glendale after the Raffi Torres hit on Marian Hossa.
In case you can't make it out, there's a reference (we believe) to him wanting a Cup and ending up with a bedpan.
Which is pretty harsh.
Spotted this gem on New Year's Eve in Buffalo. It's pink, and plaid pink at that. Oh, and it says Sweet Cheeks. Apparently Miller has a new nickname.
Sadly, she was run over moments later by a tall woman in a pink Bruins jersey with the name "LOOCHYPANTS".
And finally ...
We have to beg for forgiveness here, as we met the dude who sent us this Foul outside The Rock and can't find his name. (Dude, email us.)
To summarize: Zach Parise fan on the left, Danny Briere fan on the right, and a dude who has it all figured out in the middle, wearing a homemade No. 17 "KOVALMMONDS" shirt that straddles the line between Devils and Flyers fandom.
Total Foul, but hey, we can't argue with the results.