Jersey Fouls is our ongoing exploration of the rules and etiquette for proper hockey jersey creation and exhibition. If you spot what you think may be a foul in your arena, email a photo to us at firstname.lastname@example.org for inclusion in future installment.
Reader Abdullah Bitar presents this Winnipeg Jets Foul, in honor of now-Chicago Blackhawks defenseman Johnny Oduya, whose last name is a gift that keeps in giving.
(Oh, c'mon, like you never did the "Oduya, Do Ya Do Ya Wanna?" to that Franz Ferdinand song …)
Coming Up: Proposing marriage with a Foul; Tyler Seguin over-praise; making your jersey way too cute; overcooked Umberger; what it's like to be an Islanders fan; Flames golf; a terrible '69' sweater; and the greatest Peter Forsberg tribute known to man.
And here … we … go.
Thomas McCarthyReader Thomas McCarthy finds that Boston Bruins fans are keeping the Tyler Seguin hype well within a reasonable perspective. We assume he settled on "Messiah" because "Creator Of The Known Universe, We Are All His Children" would have run down the sleeves.
First off: Gross. Secondly ... gross. We believe the French have a word for this: "grotesque." This just in from our newsroom: "This is gross." Lastly ... gross.
Thanks Chris Rizzuto. We're sending you the bill for our vomit-stained everything.
The Tampa Bay Lightning hand out personalized jerseys to season-ticket holders, making this FOUL business tough to figure out. (Usually, a jersey given to you by the team isn't technically a Foul.)
That said, if you ... oh, we don't know ... add a sparkly heart to the nameplate, then it really doesn't matter how you came into possession this this sweater -- it's a Foul. Unless you opted for the unicorn licking the name in front of a rainbow waterfall of Skittles. That's accepted.
Thanks, Jen From Tampa.
I'm not sure if this first jersey qualifies as a foul or not. "Umberger" is spelled correctly, it's a Blue Jackets jersey, which is the proper team, and the arm numbers show Umberger's proper number (though the 1 in front of the 8 isn't entirely visible). The only thing glaringly wrong with this jersey is the number on the back -- the numbers are switched. It's possible the manufacturer made this jersey incorrectly, and before the team store realized the mistake this guy was able to buy it, or the team store did realize the mistake and put it on clearance. I have a hard time believing someone would have a jersey made only 75% correctly on purpose....then again people do some stupid [crap]...
About an hour before puck drop we heard a commotion and quickly realized a gentlemen presenting the 'Marry Me' jersey to his (now) fiancee. Cute? Sure Clever? I've never seen it before Wasteful? Maybe... But to be fair, she was wearing a Wild jersey and changed INTO the 'Marry Me' one. Perhaps they'll have it framed?
Or perhaps one of them will keep it in the divorce. (So cynical ...)
"Saw this at a game vs. the Bruins. I don't know if I've ever seen a two part tribute jersey so I figured it was worth a snap. I guess they can never walk with the man on the right."
No, that would be totally confusing.
I'm not exactly sure what type of caption I should give this photo, but it some ways it sums up what it's like to be an Islander Fan.
(He's talking about the empty seats, isn't he?)
Look - I get it, the Flames haven't had a lot of success in the Spring in quite some time (as a Canucks fan living in Calgary, this brings me great joy); but this is outrageous. Either this guy is playfully being ironic, or is somehow gloating about his personal best on the links (a feat I'm sure several of his buddies witnessed).
David adds: "Enjoy the douche bumps."
And finally ...
Long time reader, first time writer. I was in Denver for the Avs opener and to see Peter Forsberg's jersey retirement ceremony. I thought the highlight of the evening was going to be Forsberg's glorious mullet but then I noticed this gem. Though somewhat obscured by her hair, you can see that the back of her jersey says Forgasm.
I don't know what else to say.
It just confirms how impressive his dangle was.