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Ilya Bryzgalov is a cosmonaut; NHL/NHLPA meeting scheduled; KO punch AHL fight (Puck Headlines)

Greg Wyshynski

Here are your Puck Headlines: a glorious collection of news and views collected from the greatest blogosphere in sports and the few, the proud, the mainstream hockey media.

• So much to love in this Ottawa Sun cover, from the decrepit old man as lockout metaphor to the fact that they'll "still" celebrate Daniel Alfredsson's birthday despite the lockout.

• Via Aaron Ward of TSN: "CBA meetings between NHL and NHLPA that are to take place at undisclosed location WILL involve a mediator." There you go. Completely undisclosed. Doesn't rhyme with "Shmicago." Nope. Not a chance. [TSN]

• Really interesting stuff from Colin Wilson of the Nashville Predators on the players' motivation in the lockout: "I want to remember this so that when the next CBA comes up we aren't bullied again. Obviously it's about the money, but it's about standing your ground because each year they're going to come back. Record revenues this year and they're telling us they're losing money, so you never know what fable they are going to tell next time." [Winnipeg Free Press]

• Down Goes Brown maps out the rest of the NHL/NHLPA talks for the next month: "December 20 - Your children are disappointed to find out that the man with the long straggly beard and the big jiggly belly sitting by himself at the mall is actually just a locked out NHL player who didn't bother to find a job in Europe." [DGB]

• Just go ahead and read the Charles Pierce piece on Don Fehr. It's great. [Grantland]

• Here's a piece that asks if Gary Bettman will ever be in the Hockey Hall of Fame. It contains perhaps the most asinine thing ever written: "Scott Stevens might be little more than a pylon in today's NHL." [Canada.com, via Bourne]

• Four Harvard players, including Vancouver Canucks 2010 draft pick Patrick McNally, have been booted off the team for a cheating scandal. An academic one. Not, like, a bunch of holding penalties. Cheating that matters. [Vancouver Sun]

• It's entirely possible that Ilya Bryzgalov has become a cosmonaut. [Deadspin, via Broad Street Hockey]

• Among Elliotte Friedman's 30 Thoughts: "Several of you asked about Decertification/Disclaimer of Interest. It would be the latter because it's faster. I've been told it's still a threat, although the players have backed off at least twice from pulling the trigger. One possible NHL counter: suspending the league. Would it work? No idea. There is so little case law on this that people are hesitant to guess what's right." [CBC]

• Larry Brooks with an amnesty clause idea: "It would be a win-win. Players would be whole. The owners would collectively pay only what has already been committed. Some teams would add players at a bargain rate. And those teams caught in the transition vise would have at least a chance to comply without unwarranted suffering." [NY Post]

• Winnipeg Jets defenseman Mark Stuart is playing for the Florida Everblades. In Florida. In December. In other news, Mark Stuart is a smart man. [Everblades]

• Manny Malhotra not feeling the labor talks anymore: ""You get frustrated, you get angry, you get bitter, there are obviously highs when you feel like we're really close to a deal and the lows of having those negotiations break off. You run through everything." [Vancouver Sun]

• Kelly McParland gets a chance to slam unions and the NHLPA in the same column; score! [National Post]

• Do people really not like large beer bottle banks? [Backhand Shelf]

• A couple days late, but Tom Benjamin opined on the lockout: "The issue for the Canucks will never be the dollars. The issue for them will always be the cap hit. They would happily give a Parise quality player $12 MM a year, but they would never allocate that much cap space to him. Absent these long contracts, a Parise would get somewhat more on a shorter deal, but I don't think he will get a ton more. Teams need top notch players to win, but they also need quantity as well as quality. Spending $12 MM (in cap space) on a single player is not a winning strategy in my opinion." [Canucks Corner]

• Finally, a couple of days old, but here's "The Knockout Punch of the Season" from Steve MacIntyre against Joel Rechlicz. [HockeyFights]