Getty Images(Ed. Note: As the Stanley Cup Playoffs continue, we're bound to lose some friends along the journey. We've asked for these losers, gone but not forgotten, to be eulogized by the people who knew the teams best: The bloggers who hated them the most. Here is San Jose Sharks blogger Megalodon of Battle of California, fondly recalling the 2012-13 Vancouver Canucks . Again, this was not written by us ... OK, by all of us. Also: This is a roast and you will be offended by it, so don't take it so seriously.)
By Megalodon of Battle of California
"Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come,
And laugh at the Canucks because they suck."
What? It's time ALREADY? Oh, gosh. Give me a moment to finish up my notes here....
Sorry folks, this all came as a bit of a surprise to me. Not the fact that the Canucks lost, of course—anyone with half a brain could see that was coming—but a first-round SWEEP?
Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, and esteemed Puck Daddy commenters: We are gathered here today to bid farewell to the Vancouver Canucks, a team as ineffectual, fat, and dead as the explorer namesake of their city. The Canucks may be out of the playoffs once again, but they should be proud of their performance.
No, wait, sorry, I read that wrong—I should have said "they should NOT be proud of their performance." My mistake.
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