To John Moore, New Jersey Devils defenseman:
Hey. How’s it going?
We watched that highlight of Alex Ovechkin’s goal against the Devils on Saturday night, during the Washington Capitals’ 5-3 season opener win. You know: The one where he took the puck deep in his own zone; rocketed through the neutral zone, like he was shot out of a cannon; backed you up into the Devils’ defensive zone on your heels; brought the puck through your legs, like a croquet ball struck through a wicket; and then roofed the puck past Keith Kincaid.
Then we watched you slam your stick against the boards and break it in frustration, knowing that you’ve been hockey-posterized by the NHL’s best goal-scorer. We feel that feel. And we wanted to let you know that you’re not the first, nor the last NHL defenseman to suffer this indignity.
Look, you’re going to be on all the nightly local news highlight reels tonight, even the ones that never play hockey highlights. And you’re probably going to be features on “goal of the year countdowns” at the end of the season, too. But hey, it could be worse: You could be stuck on a team whose only beacon of hope this season is a lofty position in the draft lottery.
Oh, right …
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