With the 2014 Winter Classic three weeks from today, we figured we'd take a look at the some of the terrible items from the NHL online shop dedicated to the Jan. 1 outdoor game and those from the past. You know, stuff like...1. Reebok New York Rangers 2012 Winter Classic Dread Head Knit Beanie
While attending any NHL game, you'll see plenty of jerseys of players that formerly played for one of the teams involved. Instead of honoring Anson Carter's 54 games on Broadway with a jersey, New York Rangers fans could go outside the box and replicate his famous hairstyle. (The Sedin Wing-Men accessory comes separate.)2. Sidney Crosby 2011 Penguins Winter Classic Bobble Head
This treasure comes to us from eBay, and answers the question: What if we mashed up Sidney Crosby with Han Solo frozen in carbonite? (Hopefully he's unfrozen in time to save Kunitz from the Sarlaacc.) [Ed. note: Star Wars nerd Wysh wrote this entry.]3. Reebok Philadelphia Flyers vs. New York Rangers Ladies Pass & Stow 2012 Winter Classic T-Shirt
I was in Philadelphia for the 2012 game. This is false advertising, as the New York Rangers did NOT in fact win the Liberty Bell for defeating the Philadelphia Flyers. Which is a shame, because we would have loved to hear Tortorella profanely screaming about there being a crack in the trophy for 10 hours.4. Reebok 2012 Winter Classic Youth Fight For Liberty T-Shirt
See a theme here? Apparently the Flyers and Rangers were fighting for FREEDOM that New Year's Day. Nobody told them. Or us. This shirt is famous for including one player who hadn't played a game since October of that season.5. Detroit Red Wings 2014 Winter Classic Resin Zombie Figurine
Here's the newest Chris Chelios McFarlane figure. Looking good, Chris.6. Sportiqe Detroit Red Wings vs. Toronto Maple Leafs 2014 Winter Classic Red vs. Blue Tri-Blend T-Shirt
Did both of these players get into Ken Griffey, Jr.'s brain and nerve tonic? Why do they both appear ill? "Red vs. Blue"? Are they playing "Halo" now? Why does Dion Phaneuf look like someone rescued Matt Dillon from a frozen lake? And who swapped out Pavel Datsyuk with Miro Satan? We have many questions.7. Reebok Valtteri Filppula Detroit Red Wings 2014 Winter Classic #51 Premier Jersey
From the "Leftover from 2013, Thanks NHL Lockout" pile. And hey, its on sale!8. Mitchell & Ness New York Rangers Wayne Gretzky 2012 NHL Winter Classic Alumni Name & Number T-Shirt
The Great One was neither present in Philadelphia that week, nor was he involved in the New Year's Eve Alumni Game. But hey, it's Wayne Gretzky. Slap his name on the back of something and it'll sell. Well, except for a hockey coaching manual.9. WinCraft 2012 NHL Winter Classic Dueling Goalies Premium-Quality Banner
Much like the Pronger/Callahan shirt, one of the players highlighted here didn't get into the 2012 game. Did the T-shirt company not have a photo of Sergei Bobrovsky handy? Couldn't they have also just inserted a picture of a thermos?
And finally ...
We’ll give the NHL this: They know their audience. The people who can actually afford Winter Classic tickets are also probably down with dropping $150 for souvenir wine, in this case a red from Miner Family Vineyards in Napa created for the Fenway Park Classic between the Flyers and Boston Bruins.
Then again, maybe they don’t know their audience. Wine? For an outdoor game in freezing temperatures? Seriously?
How did the NHL not opt for the officially licensed vodka or whiskey, which is what the fans are likely drinking anyway at the game from the flasks they smuggled in? “OMG, it’s 30 below and we’re sitting in a stadium watching hockey. Quick, fetch me my MERLOT!” This is something no one says.
Oh, and for the record, the bottle is now just $50. Guess some wine actually doesn’t age that well.
- - - - - - -
- Ice Hockey
- Sports & Recreation
- New York Rangers
- Winter Classic